If Not Now
by FlubFlub
Summary: Four years, a failed marriage, and a little boy later, DaddyWard and MomElla live life in comfortable companionship for their son. It gets complicated when Edward realizes he wants more than a friend and ex-wife in Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**Four years, a failed marriage, and a little boy later, DaddyWard and MomElla live life in comfortable companionship for their son. It gets complicated when Edward realizes he wants more than a friend and ex-wife in Bella.**

**Back with a new story, hope you guys like it! I do love me a good DaddyWard… I have about half of this story written so far, and hope to do regular updates every couple of days.**

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"Miss Swan?" Aro's gritty voice summons over my cheap intercom. "Miss Swan?"

Taking a deep breath I hit the 'talk' button on the system. "Yes Mr. Volturi?"

"Have you finished sorting through the Royce King case?"

Fuck.

I hesitate. "N-Not yet, Mr. Volturi." My eyes shut involuntarily in anticipation of the tirade that is sure to come. "In fact…" I rustle through the mounds of papers piling up on my desk, "I'm working on it right now." I grin as my fingers grasp the manila folder. Silence on the other line. "Mr. Volturi?"

"Get it done, Miss Swan." The line clicks dead.

Fucking do it yourself _Aro_. Get off your fat ass and sort your own goddamn case.

"Hey Bella, if you wouldn't mind-" Angela, one of my closest friends and co-workers, stops in her tracks, eyeing my paper mountain. "Never mind."

"What'd ya need?" leaning back, my archaic chair lets out a groan. _Yeah I know buddy, I'll lay off the Klondikes_.

"Jasper's clients are here and I have no idea where he is." She straightens her glasses, looking frazzled. Angela truly is beautiful, in a 'sexy-librarian' kind of way with her lean body and long brown hair. She majored in accounting at UW, graduating three years ago. Her husband Ben absolutely adores her; in fact, it's quite sickening to watch the two of them together for any long period of time.

"Have you tried calling him?" I ask, rocking back in my squeaky chair.

She smirks. "Really, Bella? You think I _haven't_ tried that?" She plops herself down on the edge of my desk. "I saw him talking to the new intern- you know, the blonde one? Anyway… I think he might be with her."

"Doing the hanky-panky?"

She shakes her head. "Well, she _is_ nineteen."

"So, legal?" she nods. "Fucking Jasper. He's gonna get his ass fired if he keeps this up." Jasper Whitlock. Famous ladies man. That boy's been chasing tail since we were in kindergarten and he had a crush on Stacy Malik. Of course, his agenda has changed over the year. Stacy got a worm in her milk from him while the girls now… they get a snake in their _cave_, if you know what I'm saying.

My family moved to Forks when I was just four years old, and during the middle of the school year. Jazz was the first kid I saw when my dad dropped me off that first day. He sneezed on me and I kneed him in the balls.

Needless to say, we've been best friends ever since.

Anyway, point of the story being; when you can't find Jasper check dark corners and empty rooms. "I'll find him for you." I eye her carefully. "On one condition."

"You and your conditions." Her eyes narrow.

I hold Royce Kings file out to her. "Sort this out for Aro. You know how he likes his things… organized." I roll my eyes. What a joke- that man's office looks like Wal-Mart after black Friday. Ya' know… all messy and shit.

She snatches it out of my hand, flipping through it, her eyes widening at just how much is in it. Mr. Royce is a bad, bad boy. "Fine. When you do find him, tell him that Mr. and Mrs. Newton are here to discuss their divorce papers."

She gives me a quick hug, "See you tonight?"

"Wouldn't miss it." I smile. It's her hubby's twenty-fifth, and he's getting a surprise party.

"Awesome. I hope he's excited… you know how he is." Yes I do. He's _painfully_ shy. It took him three years to finally get the guts to say 'hi' to Angela. Or so I hear; they were married by the time I met them. Married at the tender age of nineteen.

"I'm sure he'll love it." I assure.

Another hug and I'm off on my wild goosed chase. Or should I say, wild Jazz chase. Ha, I can see him all dressed up as a goose- like he did for Esme and Carlisle's Halloween party a few years back- with me in SWAT gear hunting him down.

I approach his office quietly, Jaws music playing in a loop through my head. My head pokes around the corner, and… nothing. A quick glance to my right shows the blonde intern's desk vacant as well.

He did always have a thing for jailbait.

"Mrs. Cope, have you seen Jasper by any chance?" I ask out secretary as I pass.

"No, dear. I haven't." She frowns. "I haven't seen Stephanie in awhile either." Ah yes, that's the intern's name. Stephanie. "You need to get that friend of yours in check. He's a nice boy, but he needs to learn to control his urges. This is a professional environment."

I attempt a smile. _Is there anyone in this office that doesn't know what a pig Jazz is?_ "I will tell him, Mrs. Cope."

It takes me close to twenty minutes to search the whole building. And let me tell you, I'm pissed. If I wanted to play hide-and-seek, I'd do it at home with Masen, not with a twenty-six year old lawyer.

"Miss Swan?"

I shut the storage room door with a bang, my cheeks on fire. "Aro- I mean, . What are you doing on third floor?" I smile, hoping I don't look guilty.

He smirks. "I could ask you the same thing."

I clear my throat, the sound reverberating in the tight hallway. "I was just…" I wrench open the storage room again, grabbing the first thing I touch. "Looking for more of this." I hold up my finding, looking at it for the first time.

"Toilet paper, Miss Swan?"

I blush scarlet. "Yeah, um, the restroom next to my office is out." I lie, in what I hope is a smooth way. _Of all the office supplies in the closet, I had to grab ass tissue?_

"Next time, just tell the cleaners." He cocks an eyebrow. "Get back to work Miss Swan, I need the King file on my desk before you leave tonight."

"Yes sir. Have a nice weekend." I call after him, glaring at his back. I grimace at the toilet paper and chuck it back into the supply room, satisfied when I hear it thunk against the wall.

Continuing in my search, I'm careful to avoid more unwanted confrontations. Thus, my current position hunched under a mahogany desk while Aro's brother, and co-owner of Volturi law, struts by me laughing with Melissa from marketing.

"Shit," I curse, rubbing the spot on my head where it hit the underside of the desk. A noise behind me startles me, and I jump out of my hiding place, figuring being caught in the meeting room would be better than being caught _under_ the desk of the meeting room.

"Bella?" Jasper asks, squinting at me in the dim lighting. The giggling of his cohort ceases as she glances nervously between the two of us. "Bells, what are you doing-"

I blow out a breath, a snort rising in my chest. "What am I doing? What am _I_ doing? What are you doing?" I jab my finger at his chest, "Jasper, you're going to get yourself fucking fired! Is that what you want? Five years of law school flushed down the tubes for… for a fucking intern?"

His smile is full of mirth. "Literally _fucking_ intern." He snorts, throwing his arm around blondie- I mean _Stephanie's_- shoulders. "I won't get fired, because nobody'll know. Right sweetie?" She nods in acquiescence, starting slightly when Jasper pushes her toward the door. "Get back to work. And fix your hair." He watches her strut down the hall, a post-coital spring in her step, before shutting the meeting room door.

I slump back into one of the posh leather chairs that probably cost more than I make in a year, watching Jasper carefully. I can feel the disappointment radiating off of me; I wonder if he can too?

"You're upset," he prompts, breaking our silence.

"No shit, Sherlock."

He opens his arms, "What do you want me to do?"

"Stop fucking around with interns. This is the _third_ one this month." He shrugs. "Jasper, it's only the second _week_ of the month." I let out a breath.

"I'm sorry Bell-"

"You're not sorry, Japer. I just spent a half hour searching the building for you. Meanwhile your clients have been sitting in your office for close to forty five minutes!"

He blanches, "Shit, the Newtons." He lets out a string of curses and flings open the door, racing down the hall to the elevator.

"I'm not done with you!" I call after him, attracting the attention of some of the cubicle-dwellers on the floor. "Just tell me what goes through your mind." I demand, holding the elevator doors open as he tries to close them on me. "What are you thinking when you do shit like this?"

"I'm thinking that I'm a twenty-six year old man with a healthy sex drive. I'm thinking that I'm horny. Is that what you want to hear?"

The doors ding open, but I stop him with a hand on his stiff suit collar. "You worked so hard for this position. You're Aro's crowning jewel- his best lawyer- but you're not invincible. One day he's going to find out what you've been doing; _who_ you've been doing, if he hasn't already. Don't dip your _pen_ in company _ink_." I fight a smile as I say it, proud that I remembered that old saying at the perfect moment.

We're silent for a moment until he nods in understanding. "I'll try, Bella."

"You're my best friend, Jasper. I don't want you to be unhappy, and I know you will be if you lose this job."

He pulls me in for a hug and I inhale deeply. You know how sometimes you can feel comforted just by a certain scent? Jasper's my comfort scent. He smells like… sunshine on a cloudy day, water in a drought, flowers in a dumpster.

Okay, maybe the dumpster one is overdoing it.

Point is; he's always been there for me, and being in his arms, smelling him… Its home. "You know Swan; your obsession with sniffing people is a little unnerving." He mumbles against my hair.

I smirk. That's exactly what Edward used to say. "You love me." And that's exactly what I used to say.

"I do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pair of very angry and sexually frustrated clients to attend to." And with a wink, he's gone.

Yeah, that's not what Edward used to say. He said… well, there usually wasn't much _talking_. He let his body and his scorching stares talk for him.

Fucking Edward. I almost went a whole hour without thinking of that bastard. Another of my best friends, but a bastard nonetheless.

I sit on the couch between Rosalie and Angela, caught in the middle of their debate; Jimmy Choo or Louboutin. Personally, I have no want or need for six hundred dollar heels that'll likely kill me with their five-inch spike.

Needless to say, I stay silent whilst sipping my Rum and Coke.

"Bella." Rose prompts, sipping her apple juice. "Opinion?" On the outside, Rose seems like a stuck up bitch. Between her ex-Victoria's-Secret-model looks and her expensive fashion taste; she's like the epitome of snooty and rich all rolled into one five foot seven package with mile long legs.

I must admit, the first time Emmett brought her around for the family to meet, I was quite intimidated. That is, until she beat Emmett in a belching contests after arm-wrestling with Carlisle.

She and I became fast friends.

"Bella?"

"What?"

"Opinion."

"Oh, uh, right." I set down my drink, clearing my throat. "Well on one hand, you have a six hundred and eighty dollar Jimmy Choo. On the other hand, you have a Six hundred and eighty one dollar Louboutin." I say in my best serious voice. "Now, the Choo's have a slightly elongated heel, as opposed to its competition. If you're looking into the comfort factor-"

"Would you look at that," she deadpans. "My best friend's a fucking comedian." Angela lets out a snort, checking her phone.

She smiles brilliantly, standing up on the couch. "Okay everyone! We have two minutes until Ben gets home. Choose your hiding places!"

Rose and I kneel down behind the couch, out of view from the front door. "Jesus Christ." She groans. "I swear to god this baby is gonna be a fucking boxer." She hisses, rubbing her baby bump. Well, baby _bump_ would be putting it lightly. More like baby mountain.

"How many kids you got in there, Ro? Looks like a whole tribe."

She punches me- not lightly, may I add- and glares. "I'm convinced its twins, but Doc says I've only got one little chica in there."

"Little?" I snort, shaking my head. "There is nothing _little_ about that girl."

"What are we talking about?" Emmett whispers, nuzzling his wife's neck and rubbing her stomach. These two fight like cats and dogs, but I swear I've never seen a couple more in love. Well, maybe Em's parents Carlisle and Esme. They've been going strong for thirty seven years now, having married when Esme was just fifteen.

"You're little MMA fighter here." Ro tells him, kissing his cheek.

"That's my girl." He smiles toothily. "Where's my little buddy tonight?" He asks me.

"With Charlie and Sue." I start to say more, but stop when Ang dims the lights.

"One minute!" She whispers.

"Ben's gonna be so surprised." Em tells his, his voice barely audible. "It was killing me working next to him all day and not being able to say anything." Em and Ben work together at an electric company; Seattle Switches. "He asked if we wanted to go out for dinner tonight with him and Ang and I had to tell him we were busy. I almost spilled the beans right then, man." He shakes his head.

"Em, babe, be quiet." Rose demands as we hear the lock in the door.

We all stay quit as the door swings open, waiting for our cue as Angela and Ben greet each other at the door… rather passionately.

"Ben-" Angela pants as the kissy noises cease. "Ben, dear, I think-"

"I've been waiting all day for this, sweets." Ben groans. He moans and Ro and I stare at each other in shock, our mouths hanging open. "Baby, I want you." He adds, as the sound of a zipper being pulled down reverberates around the room.

"Ben-" Angela begs, no doubt trying to inform him of his fifty guests listening to him get it on with his wife. "B-"

"Later babe, I need this!" He growls.

"Should we say something?" I mouth to Rose.

She snorts quietly, "Are you kidding? Watching shy little Ben get his freak on? This shit is priceless." She tries to peek out around the edge of the sofa to get a better look, but is pulled back by Em.

"They're going at it in the foyer!" I hiss, my face probably an interesting shade of red.

"Kiss me, babe?" Ben's whispered plea just about kills me. I've known this man for over three years, and I've never heard him curse once, and now here he is asking Ang to kiss his dick. In his foyer. With the front door _still_ open.

Who knew he had a kinky side?

"WHOA!" Emmett yells, jumping up from behind the couch. "Get it Bro!"

I glance at Ro quickly before we both jump up, along with the other guests yelling out a half-hearted 'surprise!'

I swear Ben's blush gives my own a run for its money. He just stands there, pressing Ang up against the wall with his fly down staring at us with his mouth dropped open.

"Watch it bro, you'll catch flies." Em teases, slapping his friend on the back. "You might want to zip the peen up, this is a _family_ party." He motions to Ben and Ang's parents whispering amongst themselves by the bar.

Angela chuckles forcefully, rubbing her forehead. "I tried to tell you." She smiles tightly, "Surprise?" He pulls her in for a hug while someone restarts the music and turns all the lights back on revealing the decorations and gifts stacked high in the corner.

"I apologize." Ben announces, still flushed; whether from embarrassment or… arousal, I'm not certain. "Thank you everyone." He smiles for the first time of the night. "Thank you for this."

Ben squeezes Rose and I, thanking us and apologizing profusely.

"Don't worry about it, Benny. This is the most excitement I've had all week." Rose grins cheekily.

"She doesn't get out much." Em comments. "Not with my little MMA star in there. Our little Gina Joy Carano."

"Emmett, we are not naming our daughter after a fighter."

"But-"

"No, Emmett." She gives him the look. You know, the look that says 'agree or I'll chop your balls off with a paring knife.' Yep, Rose has perfected that look in the past eight months. Although, she did have to best teacher; me.

Yep, I had quite the bitch-brow back in my day.

A few hours and much mingling later found Rose and I at the bar; her with a virgin margarita and me with a… not so virgin one. "What about him?" I point to a scruffy looking guy dressed in a sweater dress and cargo shorts.

Rose snorts. "He obviously lives with his mother." She rolls her eyes. "I'd say he's some kind of computer technician. Maybe he's one of those geeks for Best Buy."

"I nix that." Letting out a burp, I motion for the bartender- yes, Ang hired a bartender- to get me another round of… whatever was in my glass before I drained it. Don't judge, I hardly ever let my hair down anymore. I'm twenty six years old and my idea of a fun night is curling up on the couch and cuddling with my boy. "He's gay definitely."

We watch curiously as scruff-man in question is joined by a rather attractive, and _much_ younger, red head. She makes herself at home on his lap and proceeds to shove her tongue down his throat.

Huh.

"That's unexpected." Rose comments, eyeing the chick wearily. "Gold digger?"

"I'd say so."

"Now that isn't nice." A smooth voice comments from behind us. Any normal person would spin around to put a face to the voice before reacting.

But drunken Bella? She is no normal girl.

Oh, no. She doesn't think before she acts. Instead, she shrieks and takes a swing behind her, hitting her verbal assailant smack on the forehead,

"Fuck Bella." He groans, resting his head on my shoulder. "Every time."

I laugh when his familiar penny-colored hair rubs against my cheek softly. "Well, Edward, you should know by now not to sneak up on me. How long have we known each other?" I tease, proud of the red spot forming on his too-perfect forehead. I mean really, this man's facial features would make Michelangelo cry.

No one's jaw is that defined. Just… no.

"Eleven years." Rose throws in, cocking an eyebrow at us. "You met freshman year."

Edward lets out a long whistle, nodding his head. "Too long, Swan." I glare in response.

Rose lets out an unsatisfied moan. "Don't look now." She whispers in my ear. "Three O'clock. Satan approaching. Look alive." I glance to my right, following her line of vision and watch a beautiful- albeit very fake- strawberry blonde make her way over to us.

"Why is she staring at me? Do I know her?" It's true. She's glaring. Menacingly. I rack my brain trying to place her, but draw a blank as to where I know her from or what reason she has to look at me like I'm… well, scum.

"Not yet." Rose sighs as Fake tittie chick throws her arm around Edward and smiles at him. Fake teeth too, nobody's chompers are _that_ white and pearly.

"Bella," Edward turns to me, distancing himself slightly from fake tits. Maybe her silicone is suffocating him? "Bella, this is my, uh, friend Tanya." _Ouch_. Rose rubs my back soothingly as I try to smile. "Tanya, this is my ex-wife Bella."

I stick my hand out, "Pleasure to meet you."

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**Thanks for reading! Drop me a line before ya go(:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay chapter two! Thanks everyone who reviewed last chapter, I'm stoked you guys are enjoying this little story so far****.**

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"Ex… wife?" Tanya asks slowly. Maybe she has a fake brain too, since she can't seem to wrap her head around the idea.

"Yep." I nod, dropping my outstretched hand. Apparently she has no manners either. "That's what happens when two married folk get divorced." I try to explain, but end up giggling toward the end.

Damn alcohol.

"You've been married?" She asks him, tightening her grip on his arm. He shrugs, obviously uncomfortable with the fact. You and me both, buddy. "For how long?"

"Two years." I answer for him. He eyes me warily.

"We've been divorced two years as well." He adds.

I nod. "I believe it will be twenty five months next week sometime."

"Counting the days since we parted ways, Swan? Seems a little desperate, even for you." He teases. See if anyone else accused me of being desperate, they'd be spending their weekend icing their balls. Either that or getting them stitched back onto their body. But this is _Edward_. Edward, who has been my other half since freshman year of high school when his family moved to Forks on business. Who still, after Masen and a failed marriage, knows more about me than anyone else _ever_ will. Who is still my other half; even after all this time and everything we've been through.

"Oh, no Cullen. Desperate is still wearing my old Captain America T-Shirt." I eye said shirt with a small sense of satisfaction, the red white and blue shield dominating the front of it, cracking and faded from all its ventures in the washing machine.

"It's… comfortable." He shrugs, a bit of color tinting his pale cheeks.

"Comfortable, huh?" I smirk, remembering how distraught I was when I picked up an extra-large shirt from the early movie screening of Captain America by mistake. We were still married at the time, and he drove the half hour back to the theatre to get me a smaller size while I slept. I woke up in the morning next to him in my brand new shirt, him in the matching one.

He got a lot of sexing up that morning.

What can I say? I have a thing for America's hero.

"So you've been married?" Tanya all but shrieks. Jeeze, she still hasn't figured it out yet.

I ignore them, focusing my attention on my cell buzzing against my ass. Unlocking it reveals a text- a picture message actually- of my baby boy covered in spaghetti sauce, grinning widely from Grampa Charlie's lap at the camera.

The little boy that keeps me going when I wonder what the hell turn my life has taken.

"Is that my little nephew?" Rosalie coos at my phone. "I swear he gets bigger every time I see him."

I grimace at her, "The camera adds ten pounds." I defend. My boy definitely loves his food. He's healthy, but he still has just a little lingering baby fat that he'll grow out of eventually; or so doctor Green says.

"I meant he's growing up, not out. Jeeze, Bella." She rolls her eyes, as if horrified that I suggested she'd think such a thing. Right. Between her and Emmett, they could've made a whole book of fat baby jokes when Mase was born.

"That's my boy." Edward grins proudly, peeping over my shoulder. A quick glance around shows no sign of Tanya. Maybe she spontaneously combusted? One can only dream. "We make good babies." He comments, nudging my shoulder.

Don't hit him. Don't hit him, Bella.

Edward and I decided early after our divorce that we had to put our own feeling for each other aside in order to give Masen the childhood he deserved. So as much as I wanted to move to Guam just to get away from him, I was stuck in Seattle with joint custody. In fact, I wouldn't call what we have 'custody.' It's more of a 'I want him tomorrow' or 'Let's go to the zoo together; all three of us today.' Is it unconventional to have such a close relationship with an ex-husband? Probably. But I think we've done a fairly good job over the years; in the beginning it was hard to even look at him without remembering our time as husband and wife. Now, I'd say thing are pretty much back to the way they were.

Without the sex, of course.

And believe me… the sex is _dearly_ missed.

"I was thinking we could head over to the park across the building tomorrow." Edward prompts, "The three of us. They just put in a new swing-set I thought Mase would love." Did I mention Edward and I live in the same apartment building? Separate floors, thank god.

"That sounds fun." I tell him honestly. It really did. I lived for moments like those we shared with Mase. Watching him smile and laugh, being able to say he had so much fun with _both_ his parents, despite being separated.

Rose snorts, shaking her head. "You two are so fucking blind sometimes."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Bitch brow cocked and ready to rumble.

She shrugs. "When will you two finally realize that you made a mistake getting your divorce?" We're all silent, save for Ro's slurping down her virgin beverage.

I can't help it. I burst out laughing. Because really, what else can one do at a time like this? Agree? Certainly not. The divorce was the one _good_ decision that we did make.

"Way to would my pride, Bell." Edward laughs, albeit an uncomfortable laugh. He runs his hand through his bronze locks, a telltale that he's nervous or uncomfortable.

"What? You think she's right?"

"I didn't say that."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine." We have a brief stare down, that _I_ win by sticking my tongue out.

"Jesus, you two are like five year olds. You're worse than Masen, you know that? Come find me when you grow up." Edward steals Rose's seat after she leaves, not before stomping her foot to drive her point home. And who's the five year old?

"So where's your wench?"

He lets out a laugh. "My what?"

"You know… your wench? Pirate talk?"

"Oh, Tanya?" I give him a 'duh' look. "Well, she left." He scratches the back of his neck. "She's a bit upset I didn't tell her I had been married before."

"So I take it she's also in the dark about Masen?"

"Good guess." He smiles cheekily. "It's not that I didn't want to tell her. I'm not ashamed or anything." He rushes out, his emerald green eyes boring into my own. "It's just…"

"Hard?" I offer, knowing exactly how he feels. "You feel like people judge you when you tell them you have a five year old son and have been divorced before you're twenty seven."

"I usually save that information for at least the second date."

I eye him, "How long _have_ you been dating her?"

"Tanya? She's more of a… friend than anything. I don't really feel any sort of connection with her."

"You're not even dating and she already expects to know every skeleton in your closet?" My voice is thick with incredulousness. "Seems a bit clingy to me."

He laughs, "Not all girls are like you, Bella."

I'm not sure if I should thank him or be offended. "How do you mean?" I ask skeptically.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way." He gestures to the barman to pass him a beer. Heineken, of course. "I just meant… you sort of just roll with the punches, you know? You're serious when you need to be, but you're understanding of personal space." He stares off in the distance as he talks. "I'm sorry." He adds, shaking his head clear. "That didn't come out right. I just mean that you…"

Seeing him struggle with words for the first time since… well, awhile, I decide to help him out. Throw him a bone, just this once. "Know not to ask for a man's life story before the first date?"

"Yes. Exactly." He visibly relaxes, the tension in his shoulders I hadn't noticed before, melting away.

The next few hours I spend mainly with Edward, with the occasional interruption from a drunken party guest or hormonal Rose. Before I knew it, it was after midnight- way past time to pick up Masen. It was like that with Edward, always has been. The hours just seem to melt away.

After a drawn out goodbye to a tipsy Ben and a promise to a lunch date with Rose, Edward and I head out to my truck. He insisted on coming with me to pick up Mase, saying 'he wanted more time with us' and 'we live in the same building anyway.'

And the fact that Tanya left him here, having driven them.

The drive to my Dad and Sue's house was quick; they only live a few miles down the road from Ben and Angela. Edward and I were silent most of the way- but as always, it wasn't uncomfortable.

"Bells?" My dad- ex-Chief Swan- answers the door in his blue striped robe and slippers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "We would've kept Masen, you know. You didn't have to drive all the way here." He lets us in, mumbling something about 'waking the dead.'

Daddy's not a night owl.

"Charlie." Edward greets my father with a 'manly' hug. Despite the divorce, my father still adores Edward and still considers him like a son. "How're you?"

"I was better about ten minutes ago, snug in my bed." He mumbles gruffly, his moustache twitching.

"I'm sorry we woke you daddy." I whisper, pulling out my 'puppy eyes'. "I missed my boy."

I barely contain my shriek as said little man comes around the corner hand-in-hand with Sue, still squinting his eyes in sleep. "Momma?" He mumbles, his soft voice cracking. "Daduh?"

"Hi baby." I squat down, taking him into my arms as he squeezes himself to me. "I missed you." I kiss his hair gently.

"Mist you, momma."

"Hey buddy." Edward squats behind me, rubbing his finger lovingly along Masen's cheek. "Were you a good boy?" Masen nods, his eyes closed. I'm not entirely convinced that he's actually awake at this point.

My heart melts at the look in Edward's eyes as he stares down at us. One thing I will never complain about? Edward's abilities as a father. The role was literally _made_ for this man. Even when times were tough during his residency, he still managed to carve out time for his son. Now his wife… that's a whole 'nother story.

"Well, we're going to go." I whisper to Dad and Sue. They're so adorable, wrapped in each other's arms in their matching robes. I couldn't be happier for my dad, Sue was really a godsend. She helped pick up the pieces when Renee shattered his world shortly before I graduated High School. We helped each other, of course, in dealing with the aftermath of her infidelity. But I was seventeen. The last thing I wanted to be doing was sitting at home comforting my dad. That's where Sue came in. A recently widowed mother of two to the rescue. "Thanks again for watching him."

"Don't even mention it." Sue kisses my cheek before laying one on Masen's cheek. He'd be eating this shit up if he were conscious. My boy's quite the little attention whore. "Drive safe." I say goodbye to my dad briefly, neither of us being ones to over show our affections. I know he loves me and he knows I love him. Simple as that.

"Momma?" Masen asks sometime later, his voice thick with sleep.

"Yes baby?" I glance in the truck's rearview quickly, not wanting to wreck.

He lets out a quiet, "Tired." And Edward and I smile at each other.

"Go back to sleep Mase." He adds, reaching back to ruffle his hair. Masen's giggles make me want to melt. "He's pooped." Edward whispers once our boys breathing evens out. "What did your dad do to him all day? He never sleeps like this for me."

"Me either." I grimace, "I think they went fishing; at least that's what he said on the phone earlier. I'm not convinced they didn't slip him an Ambien."

We pull up to the apartment complex shortly thereafter, stumbling up the steps with Masen in Edward's arms and his monstrous bag of toys in my own. We slip into the elevator quietly, whispering a 'hello' to a half sleeping Crane by the door. No one knows the doorman's really name; everyone addresses him as 'Crane.' Crane's pushing sixty, and always has a smile and a lollipop for Masen.

"I can take him tonight." I tell Edward as we reach my apartment first, it being on the third floor as opposed to Edward's fourth floor suite. Being a highly accomplished surgeon pays a bit more than a Personal Assistant to a lawyer.

"Oh." He smiles tightly. "That's fine." This is the part I hate about being divorced. We both love him so much; neither of us ever wants to give him up. It just about kills me every time Ed comes over to pick Masen up for a weekend with his parents up in Forks.

"If you want to…" I trail off, unlocking my door and flicking in the lights.

"No, no…" He follows me into Mase's room. "I spent all day yesterday with him. He can stay here tonight. Besides, I'll see him tomorrow… If you still want to have a park day?" He sets Masen down between his 'big boy' Captain America sheets and kisses his forehead.

"Of course. I'd love to… Maybe come by around ten?" Shutting the door behind us, I kick off my heels and stretch my cramping legs. Fucking heels.

"That sounds good." He runs his hand through his hair. _I remember how soft that hair used to be_.

Quiet, Bella.

"Great." I nod, watching him pace around my living room.

"I should-" he starts as I begin to ask him if he wants something to drink. We both laugh, only it's forced.

"I should get home. It's late." He whispers, making no move toward the door.

"It is." I agree, not breaking eye contact. _Oh Edward, marriage fucked everything up for us, didn't it_. Pre-matrimony, there were never awkward silences. We had our moments of course, where neither of us had anything to say, but they were never uncomfortable. It's amazing what a couple of rings and a piece of paper can change.

"I just-" he stops himself and slumps down on my couch. Well, I guess he isn't leaving. So much for jammies and nice clean sheets. "I keep thinking about what Rose said."

I take a seat next to him, resting my hand on his back. "Rose says a lot of things."

"About us."

I smirk. "Rose says a lot of things about us."

"About us being… stupid for divorcing." He averts his gaze, watching my poodle Puppy sniff Masen's toy bag. Mase named him. Refused to call him anything but 'Puppy' when we rescued him last year.

I retract my hand quickly, as though his skin burned me through his jacket. "W-what?"

"Earlier at Ben's party," he continues, "Rose said-"

"I remember what she said. What I don't understand is how you could agree with her."

"I never said that." His eyes snap to mine, his beautiful green eyes set behind impossibly long lashes. His eyes that, in this moment, are filled with an emotion I can't seem to decipher. "I just… can't stop thinking about it. We didn't even try, Bella."

My mouth drops open. "We didn't _try_?" I hiss at him, incredulous. "We didn't try? Edward, I put my entire life on hold to _try_ with you."

"I didn't mean-"

I shoot off the couch, "Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that we decided to separate… and then we did." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "We didn't- we should have tried harder. For Masen."

"For Masen? Mase's fine, Edward. He has two parents that love him more than life itself. A whole family that absolutely _adores_ him. Masen's _fine_. Us being married wouldn't help him any. I was never worried about what the split would do to him."

He hesitates. "What about us? We should have tried harder for us."

Is he serious right now? "Marriage is a two way street, Edward, and you weren't meeting me half-way."

"My residency-"

"It wasn't just the residency. True, you were never home because you were working your ass off. I _admired_ you for that, for working so hard for what you wanted. But when you were home… you weren't _my_ Edward. We were two strangers living under one roof." I realize how loud I'm talking- yelling- and lower my voice before I wake Masen. We're always so careful never to fight in front of him. "Towards the end, we didn't even sleep in the same bed!"

"Sometimes I didn't get home until two in the morning. I didn't want you to bitch about me waking you!" He shouts, obviously having no qualms about waking his son.

"Exactly. You got home late… left before sunrise. That's no way to live! Some women may love having the house to themselves all day and all night, but not me. If I'm married, I want to see my husband for more than a day a week. _If_ I'm lucky."

He sits there on my couch, hands clasped beside him, eyes downcast, and shoulder slumped in defeat. "You're right." His voice is barely above a whisper. "You're absolutely right. You deserved so much better- you still do."

"It's not your fault." I sit beside him again, my anger subsiding. "It wasn't our plan to have a child at twenty one. I was scared shitless, we both were."

"I wouldn't change that for the world." His eyes meet mine, shining in honestly. "Not Masen."

"Neither would I. I wish he would have come a little later…" We both chuckle. "We made the right choice. Divorcing."

He nods. "I think I know that. Sometimes though… I just wonder."

"Wonder?"

He shrugs. "Where we'd be if I was a better husband. If I tried harder; fought for you instead of admitting defeat and signing the papers."

I stiffen. There it is. My wish. Two years ago, I waited. Waited for him to chase after me when I walked out the door with Masen. Waited for him to put up a fight for us. Waited for him to refuse to sign the papers; to tell me he loved me and that we'd work it out somehow. That's what I wanted.

I never told him that I would've taken him back in a heartbeat if he'd followed me to my Dad's house the night I left. Because as much as I hated him for trapping me in our horrid marriage, I loved him. I loved him so much, and I wanted us to work.

"It's all in the past now." I speak to myself, more so than him. _It's in the past, Bella_. He stops, mid-sentence and watches me. Oh shit, he was still talking. "It's in the past. No need to berate ourselves over it. We're happy now, and we have a strong relationship. That's enough for me."

He hesitates, and asks quietly, "It's in the past." I nod. "You're right. It was a long time ago. Time to move on." We both stand and practically sprint to the front door, wanting to dispel the suffocation tension. "Are we cool?"

I nod, not trusting my voice. It's been so long since I've delved into my memories from that time. As much as I wave off our lost love as no big deal, it still hurts to think about. "Cool as a fucking cucumber." He grins and pulls me in for a hug. Edward's hugs have always been my favorite, I think as I melt into his chest. With just one touch, he can make me forget my troubles and my anger.

"We still on for tomorrow?"

"Definitely." I kiss his cheek. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Night Bean." He winks, using my old nick-name. I don't realize how much I've missed him calling me Bean until I find myself in front of my bathroom mirror, smiling like an idiot.

"_What is that?" Edward asks, pointing to a picture of me as a baby on my father's mantel. It's prom night and I'm beyond nervous. Edward meeting my dad for the first time. Well, the first time as my official boyfriend._

"_That's me." I blush. I was kind of a fat baby._

"_That's you?" He grins, a teasing look in his eye. "But you're so…" He struggles for words._

"_Fat?" My dad's voice rings from behind us, his moustache twitching. "Bella here was a solid nine pounds nine ounces." He pinches my cheek and I slap him away, blushing. Edward kisses me lightly, letting me know they're only playing. "She was our big bean." Charlie and Edward laugh._

_Later that night, he whispers 'I love you, Bean' quietly in my ear as we lay twisted in the crisp hotel sheets, our limbs and bodies entwined as one_.

Over the years it became a loving pet-name instead of a traumatizing childhood condition. He even took it upon himself to call Masen baby Bean before we knew whether he was a boy or a girl.

He hasn't called me that since before we got married, until now.

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**I just love little Masen(:**

**Thanks for reading, drop me a line before ya' go!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Just a short chappie today… I think we need a little Masen and DaddyWard time(;**

**Thanks everyone who reviewed last chapter, I'm stoked you guys are enjoying this little story so far.**

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"Masen! Not too high!" I call out to my daredevil son who's currently egging on his equally-reckless father to push him 'higher, dada!' "Edward." I warn using my stern _mom_ voice. So what if the swings have safety harnesses? Like they've never broken before?

Edward, true to his word, showed up at ten a.m. on the dot with flowers and an apology for the night before. Apparently he had 'a bit too much to drink' at Ben's party and I shouldn't hold him responsible for any of the verbal shit that poured out of his mouth. His words, not mine.

Masen was overjoyed to be going to the park with both of us together, as he pointed out many times on the walk over here, and nearly crapped his pants when he saw thy had updated the play equipment.

Needless to say, he's yet to take a break after two hours of swinging and climbing on the jungle gyms.

Edward retakes his seat beside me on the picnic blanket we brought, and together we watch Masen dig around in the sand box with another little boy.

"Thank you for suggesting this." I lean my head on his shoulder. "He's having so much fun."

"Think nothing of it, Bean." His head knocks playfully against mine. Did I mention he's been calling me bean all day? Quite frankly it's making me horny. Don't judge, it doesn't take much to get me going after a four months of no 'O'. Ya know… orgasm.

"Maybe we could do some lunch after?" He glances at his watch. "It's twelve thirty." As if to reiterate his question, his stomach growls hungrily. "I skipped breakfast." Is all he says as I laugh.

"I could eat. Masen!" I call him over. "You hungry baby?" I grimace at the grass stains on his new shirt.

He taps his chin, a habit he's picked up from my father. "Only if we have cheeseburgers." The way he says it sounds more like 'cheeez-burgas.'

"How about Pizza?" Edward suggests. Masen shakes his head. "What about Marley's? You can get a burger and daddy can have pizza?"

Masen makes a face. "Eww daduh Matly's is gross."

Thus we ended up at McDonalds, Edward and I with Big Macs and Mase with a Happy Meal and a Transformers toy.

Edward eyes his burger painfully. "It doesn't have teeth, you know." I tell him, digging into our large fries. "You're supposed to eat it, not the other way around."

"How can you eat this? It's like… they threw everything but the kitchen sink on it."

"Edward, it's a cheeseburger. Just eat the damn thing."

"Eat the dayum thing, Daduh." Masen repeats, grinning and covered in ketchup. Jesus Christ, this kid. You look away for two seconds and he's covered in food.

"Masen, don't say that." I plead and attempt to clean his face. His shirts wrecked; no use in trying to get the stains out. I don't feel too bad since it was a gift from my mother. A birthday gift that was seven months late. Yep, that's Renee.

"Don' say what?" He asks, knowing damn well what I'm talking about.

"Masen."

He pouts, looking adorable. "Sowry momma."

I catch Edward slurping on my Iced Coffee and smack him. "That's mine."

"It's delicious."

"Where's your burger?" I eye his empty side of the table.

"I ate it."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"You need to work out those trust issues, Bean." He grabs a fry. "I think you have a problem."

"So how'd you like it?" I ask innocently as his stomach growls again. I know damn well he threw it out.

"It was good."

"Yeah? What about the mustard? I think it tastes a little funny."

"No, the mustard tasted great." He answers, thinking he's so smooth.

_Gotcha buddy_. "Edward?"

"Hm."

I smile devilishly. "There's no mustard on a Big Mac."

"Fuck."

"Today was nice." I tell Edward. Masen wriggles from his arms and races to the bathroom. He's been complaining the whole way home about how he drank too much soda. The front door clicks shut.

"It was." He nods in agreement. "I'll get you that picture of him on the swings on my next run to the print shop."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks." Edward managed to catch one photo where Masen was neither sticking his tongue out or scowling at the camera. He hates pictures, if you couldn't tell. "So do you… have anywhere to be or can you stay for awhile?"

He stayed. No one can resist the Masen puppy-dog pout, especially his sappy father. We spend the rest of the night playing board games and watching movies. The rain gods decide we've had enough sun for the week and the skies open up around six, complete with thunder and lightning. Masen, being the sweetheart he is, decided that we needed to build a fort to protect us from the 'angry sky.'

So there we lay, in a fort of ripped sheets telling stories and cuddling. All three of us.

I catch Edward staring at me over Masen's head. He's been doing that a lot today; watching me when he thinks I don't notice. When I catch him, he's quick to turn away and change the subject. Not this time. "What?"

He looks surprised, as though he just remembered I was there in the fort with him. "What?"

"Why are you staring at me? It's getting a little creepy."

"Auntie Rose says it's not nice to stare." Masen interjects, a smile on his face as he glances between Edward and I. Well, what do you know. She taught him something other than cuss words and fighting tactics. "She said if someone gives you bad looks, you pop 'em one right in the face!" Well, never mind.

"What have I said about Auntie Rosalie, Mase?" Edward asks, rolling his eyes.

"To not to listen."

"Good boy."

"Did you know, Masen asked me what a-" he glances down at Masen's wide eyes. "P-U-S-S-Y was? I asked him where he heard it and he said Rose was shouting it at someone over the phone last time he was there."

I find Rose's lack of verbal filter amusing; as long as Mase understands that Aunt Rose is a naughty girl and he shouldn't repeat everything she says. "And what did you say?"

"I panicked." He chuckles. "I told him it's a bad name and he shouldn't say it." We lapse into a comfortable silence as Masen's eyes start to droop. I don't blame the poor kid, I feel a bit tired as well.

"You never answered my question." I mumble quietly.

"What?"

"Why're you staring?"

Silence. "I don't know… just thinking." he rolls over onto his side to face me. "Have I told you that you look beautiful today?"

I smile, doubting he can see it in the dim light from Mase's superhero flashlight. "You're complimenting me. What do you want?"

"I have to want something to say something nice?"

I copy his position, rolling on my side until our faces are only inches apart. I can smell him; his spicy cologne. "No, but I can see it in your eyes. You want something."

He chuckles lowly, "I want a lot of things."

"Like?"

"A new car, for starters. I'd like to meet the president. I want a raise. A pass to Playboy mansion would be nice." He teases, earning a smack. "I want to settle down. Buy a house with a yard." His voice turns serious. "But right in this moment… I want you to do something for me."

His close proximity has reduced me to a pile of Bella-goo. "What is it?"

He takes in a breath and smirks, knowing he has me exactly where he wants me. "I want you to agree to go with me to my parents next weekend."

His words are like a shot of cold water. "Absolutely not."

His face falls, "What? Why not? They keep bugging me about when I'm bringing you up to see them. Em and Rose'll be there-"

"No, Edward. You can take Masen, that's fine, but I'm not going."

"Why, Bella? They miss you so much. You're still a part of the family despite-"

"I'm sorry, Edward, but I can't do that again." The last time I visited the Cullen residence was about a year ago. We all made the trek up to Forks for Masen's fourth birthday. Unfortunately for me, Esme decided that was her chance to get her son and I back together. The whole weekend all I heard was how much they all loved us and they miss seeing us together. She even went so far as to say that Edward and I didn't try hard enough.

Masen and I took the train home two days early.

"Mom feels bad for how she treated you before, you know that." And I do know that. She called me nonstop for a week until I answered the phone to tell me how sorry she was. I'd have to be a cold hearted bitch to stay angry at Esme. "It's been a year since you've seen them."

And I miss them, I really do. Esme became like a second mother to me since Renee was MIA for much of my adult life. "Edward-"

"They'll be on their best behavior, I promise." Damn his beautiful eyes. His beautiful _pleading_ eyes. "Please, Bella."

"Let me think about it."

His grin is bright and visible, even in the darkness. "Take as long as you need. We'd be leaving Friday after work- around four- and be heading home sometime Sunday." We lay in silence, him staring at me and me watching Masen sleep, "You'd make them so happy. You'd make _me_ so happy. It'd be just like old times."

"Only it isn't old times." I remind him, silently pleading for him not to bring 'us' up if I do happen to go with him. No need to open that can of worms. "And you promise Rose'll be there?"

He rolls his eyes. "Rose'll be there in all her eight-hundred pound glory."

Could I do it? Could I go back to Forks where it all began? Deal with Esme and her wistful looks and hopeful comments? I do miss them; her and Carlisle. Masen would love it if I were there as well; whenever Edward takes them to visit, he always calls sounding so sad to say he misses me. And Ro would be there as somewhat of a buffer between us… with her pregnancy, Esme'll be too distracted to break out the guilt trip on me.

I can do it, I know I can. But do I want to?

Edward left shortly after carrying Mase to bed. He kissed my cheek and promised to call tomorrow, despite having back to back surgeries at the hospital. He also practically begged me to escort him to his parents house threatening to grovel if need be. I told him that wouldn't be necessary and sent him on his way, my bed screaming my name.

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**Thanks for reading, drop me a line before ya' go!**

**Next chapter will be longer, I promise(:**


	4. Chapter 4

**A longer chappie today to make up for last updates shortie(:**

**Thanks everyone who reviewed last chapter, I'm stoked you guys are enjoying this little story so far.**

**A few of you had questions about an HEA, I always write HEA's in all my stories, so no worries there!**

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"Momma." I feel a slight pressure on my chest, "Momma, wakie wakie."

"Masen, stop." I try to bat away the fingers poking my cheeks causing him to giggle. "Mase-"

"Momma, Puppy went potty." My eyes shoot open.

"What?" I eye Masen sitting on my chest in his Pj's. "Where did Puppy potty?"

"My room. I stepped in it, Momma, and it was squishy." Good lord.

I sit up, careful not to jostle Mase too much and grab his feet. His dog crap covered feet that no doubt left dog shit footprints all through the apartment. _Do I never get a break?_ "Let's go wash you off, Mase." I sigh, trying to convince myself that it isn't his fault. I carry him to my bathroom, careful not to let his soiled feet touch anything and rinse him off with soap. "Go find something to watch on TV, okay? And don't step in Puppy's mess again, please.

I let out a breath, stripping my bed and throwing the sheets into the wash. Why me? It's seven in the morning on a Sunday for Christ sakes; no one should have to clean up dog shit that early.

Is it bad to say Christ and shit in the same sentence?

Puppy eyes me from down the hall as I scrub up his mess from Masen's room and the carpet leading to my own. "Yeah I'm pissed at you, buddy." I glare at him. He lets out a whimper. "You're supposed to wake me up if you need go, not go wherever the _hell_ you please! Damn dog." I don't even like dogs.

That's a lie. I love dogs.

Just not at the moment.

"Mommy, Uncle Jazzy is calling." Masen appears, holding out the landline. He's careful not to step in the wet soapy spots, stepping around them like they're landmines. _And he couldn't have done that before he tracked shit through the house?_

"Hello?" I answer, still scrubbing.

"You sound out of breath, Swanie. I'm not interrupting Bella fun time am I?" He snickers and I wish he was in front of me so I could smack him. He knows damn well I don't have time for 'Bella fun time.' I haven't touched my rabbit in months.

"I'm cleaning up shit." I deadpan when he stops laughing.

"Shit?"

"Dog shit."

"And you wonder why I don't have pets."

"What's your point Jazz, I'm kinda busy at the moment."

"Jeeze, get off my ass. I _was_ calling to see if you and Mase wanted to get lunch later? Tino's at twelve?"

"I'll ask Masen when I'm done. Text you when I know?"

"Sounds good Bells. Love you."

I hang up and finish the job quickly, finding Masen sprawled out on the floor with Puppy watching cartoons. "You hungry buddy? I can make pancakes." Stupid of me to ask, of course my little pancake-aholic wants some.

"What do you think about having lunch with Uncle Jazz this afternoon?" I ask between bites of food. He swallows his bite and sets down his fork, glaring at the table. Uh oh. "Sweety, what's wrong?" he shrugs and I start to panic. "Are you okay? If you don't want to go out, that's fine." He's silent and I'm reeling. What did I say?

"I don't like him." Masen whispers quietly. He pushes himself out of his chair and races toward his room.

What?

I follow him, knocking on his closed door gently. "Masen, honey, you have to tell me what's wrong. Why don't you like Uncle Jasper? Did he say something to you that made you mad?" I push open his door to find him lying face down on his bed, sniffling.

My heart breaks and I feel my own tears starting to form.

"Baby, please tell mommy what's wrong. I can't stand to see you sad." I whisper, lying down next to him, rubbing his back.

"I don't like the way he touches you." He mumbles into his pillow.

"Baby," I roll him around on his side, facing me. "What are you talking about?"

"He hugs you and kisses you. And… and… And he can't! I won't let him!" He yells, hugging me tightly.

"Baby, no. Honey, Jasper is family. His hugs and kisses don't mean anything." I hug him close, still not understanding why he's upset, but wishing I could take his pain away. Jazz and I have always been close- even before Masen was born. We've always been affectionate, but it's never been anything more than just a brotherly affection.

"He's not allowed to do that, Momma. Only daddy can." He sniffles.

And there it is. He doesn't want anyone taking Edward's place. "Masen, look at me." He turns away, but I force his chin up. "Masen, no one is going to take your daddy's place. Is that what you're worried about?"

"I don't like when other people hug you momma, only me and daddy can. Because we're a family."

I sigh. "We are a family, but Uncle Jazz is family too. And so is Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett. And Grandma Sue and Grandpa Charlie. Uncle Seth and Aunt Leah. We're all a family."

"But not like us." He argues, his tears dissipating leaving frustration behind. "It's not the same. You love daddy?"

"Of course I love your Daddy, in a way." I hesitate, wondering where he's going with this. "Daddy and I are always a team, okay? And nothing- _no one_ will ever come between the three of us. I promise you that. No matter what happens, we're always a family."

"How come we all don't live together?"

I really wish Edward was here right now, I can't handle this on my own. We always knew that one day Mase would asks us why we aren't like a normal family. We knew this day would come; but not so soon. "Well, Mase…"

"Uncle Seth lives with his momma Sue and Grandpa Charlie." He interrupts, referring to Sue's son Seth who just graduated high school. "Why don't we live with daddy?"

"Sometimes, Masen, things just don't… work out the way they should." He looks confused. _Shit, what do I say?_ "You're daddy and I love each other, and we love you… so much. But we aren't… we aren't _in_ love with each other." I take a deep breath, hoping that will end the conversation.

"But-" His question is cut off by a rapid pounding on the front door followed by an incessant ringing of the doorbell. He jumps up, a look of surprise on his face and sprints to the door.

"Ask who it is, first!" I call after him. Crisis averted. Saved by the bell, how cliché.

Edward and I will need to have a little sit down talk with Mase soon. _Very soon_.

"Auntie Rose!" Masen squeals excitedly, the door slamming shut as high heels click on the tile. How that woman wears high heels while being eight months preggo is beyond me. "Momma, Rose is here!"

"I see that. What brings you by?" We hug and collapse on the couch.

"Edward called Emmett around midnight last night in a panic." She cocks an eyebrow. Masen perks up at Edward's name and sneakily turns his ear toward us.

"Oh, and what for?" I fake nonchalance, dying inside to know what he said.

"He asked you to Forks next week?" Rose counters.

"Yes he did." We sit in silence, each of us trying to see who'll break first. It's me. "What the hell did he say?"

"He asked for advice." Rose smiles devilishly.

"Am I going to have to beat it out of you, or what?"

"You would never hit a pregnant woman."

"Try me."

She rolls her eyes. "He started by giving a play-by-play of your whole date. Sent us the picture of Masen from the park too; he's so freaking adorable." I shine in pride at the compliment. "And then he asked if he did the right thing by asking you. Apparently he thought he 'sprung it on you' and felt bad." She waits a beat. "So what'd you say?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"Of course he did, but I want to hear it from you." I relay the entire conversation, from the moment Edward asked to the time he left. "Huh."

"Huh? What does 'huh' mean? Did I do the right thing? Should I go?"

She lets out a breath. "So of a bitch."

I'm taken aback. "What?"

"He's in love with you."

"Um, excuse me?" How the hell did she get love from _that_?

"You may not see it, but I do. Emmett had a sneaking suspicion, but now I know for sure."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Come on, Bella. How can you not see it? The way he hangs on every word you say. You two are _always_ together-"

"For Masen." I whisper, aware of his presence not two feet away. "Not because we want to be."

"Maybe you don't want to be. You should've heard him on the phone last night. That man is in _love_ with you."

"You're pregnancy hormones are clouding your judgment." I concede, finding that to be the only explanation to her ridiculous assumptions. Edward is _not_ in love with me.

"Say what you will, I know the truth. And when you figure it out, I get to say I told you so."

I snort. "What are we, three?"

"Four and a half, actually." She sniffs the air. "Do I smell pancakes?"

Two stacks of pancakes later leaves Rose hunched over my toilet retching up the contents of her stomach. "Damn morning sickness." She curses, "You're supposed to be gone by now!"

"Momma is Auntie Rose okay?" Mason asks, watching us from the doorway with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine, Mase." Rose manages a weak smile.

"Why don't you go get us some ice water, hon?" I prompt, knowing Rose probably doesn't want an audience. He rushes off muttering about 'being back before we know it'. "You sure you're okay?"

She waves me off, rinsing her mouth. "Damn baby's just sitting on my stomach." She tries to sound annoyed, but the loving way which she strokes her stomach betrays her tone. "I just can't wait until she's out, you know?"

"One more month." I nudge her, a smile on my face. I had Mase in the middle of July- hottest month of the year on record for Seattle- and I remember wanting nothing more than to get my little boy out of my hoo-hah. "Just be glad you're having her in October."

"She's due October twenty fifth. Emmett keeps hoping she'll be late and we'll have a little Halloween girl." She snorts.

"Here you go, Auntie Rose." Mason pants and hands Rose the biggest glass of ice water we own. "And I found you a Hershey's kiss, cuz I know they're you favit. Momma always gives me a little candy to make me feel better when I'm sick."

My baby melts my heart sometimes.

Rose crouches down to his level, pulling him in for a squeeze, "Thank you Masen." I can tell she's on the verge of tears. No one can resist my little boy's golden heart. "Love you, sweetie." She kisses his head.

"Love you too Rosie." He grins. "We gotsta keep you healthy else my little cousin will have three arms."

"Masen! Where did you hear that?"

"Daddy told Uncle Em that his spermies are 'tarded and the baby girl is gonna have three arms or a penis." Rose and I both stare at him silently, watching his grin fade. "What?"

"Honey don't ever repeat that, okay?" I chastise him, thinking up all the ways I can beat Edward to a pulp for teaching my boy the words 'penis' and 'sperm,' well, 'spermies', but you get the idea. "Those aren't nice things to say." Mrs. Kathy's going to have a field day with this one once kindergarten starts tomorrow.

Yes, my little baby's starting _kindergarten_. Tomorrow.

"And I assure you, there is nothing wrong with Uncle Em's spermies. He has some fine _spermies_." Rose winks at me and tickles Mase's stomach.

"Don't encourage him."

We make our way back to the living room, Rose careful to avoid the kitchen in case the pancake scent brings on a second wave of nausea. I clean up our breakfast plates while Mase and Rose play Uno; well, while Mase kicks Rose's ass at Uno. I swear he cheats, but I've yet to find out his secret.

Jasper shows up about an hour or so later wondering if we were in for lunch since I hadn't called or texted him back. "Everything okay?" He leans against the counter and watches me scrub the already spotless refrigerator. This is what I do when I'm nervous; I clean. "I got worried when I didn't hear back from you." I continue to scrub. "Gee, Bella, I think you missed a spot." He teases.

"I don't know what to do." I bring my knees up to my chest and drop the sponge. "What am I supposed to tell him?"

Jasper mirrors my position on the floor beside me. "Okay slow down. What are you talking about?"

"Masen cried this morning. Over you."

"Me?"

"He doesn't like how affectionate we are," I whisper, keeping my eye in Ro and Masen to make sure they aren't listening. "He thinks that _Edward_ is the only one who can be like that with me. He feels threatened I guess."

"He feels threatened by me? What, does he think I'm trying to make a move on you?"

"I think so… I tried to tell him that it wasn't like that. And then he starts asking me why Edward and I don't live together! He asked me if I loved his daddy. What am I supposed to say to that! Huh?"

Jasper ponders this for a second. "I think you need to be honest with him. He understands more than you think. You and Ed need to sit down and just talk to him. Let him ask whatever questions he wants, and give him the truth."

"But what is the truth? How much do we tell him?"

He shrugs. "The only people that know _exactly_ what happened is you and Edward. As far as how much to tell him… give him enough to placate him, but not so much to overwhelm him."

"When did you get to be so smart?" I tease.

He laughs, eying Masen when his little head snaps over to us. "I had a feeling something was wrong. You know what he did when he answered the door? He glared. No hug. No 'hi Uncle Jazz.' Nothing."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why this is bothering him now when it didn't last month. Or the month before. I don't know what changed."

"He's getting older. I know you're his mom and you want him to stay like this forever," He wraps his arm around me. "But he's growing up. Eventually he's gonna see how his friends parents are so much different from his own."

"I don't want to hurt him. When the three of us are together, he's just so happy. I don't want to shatter that."

"And you won't." He insists, kneeling in front of me. "You and Edward… I don't know how you do it. If it were me and ex-girlfriend-" he trails off. "You're both _together_ in his life, and nothing's going to change that. Just because you aren't married doesn't mean you aren't still a family. You're just not… a traditional family."

"Yeah? And what's going to happen when one of us gets remarried? What then?"

"You cross that bridge when you come to it."

Masen and I _did_ end up going to lunch with Jazz, and for the first time ever, it was uncomfortable. Jazz would try to engage Mase in conversation- Is he ready for school? Is he nervous? Does he have any friends in his class?- And Mase would reply with a simple 'yes' or 'no' and retreat back to his glaring and angry chewing. We left the restaurant with promises to call or text, and no hug goodbye. Jazz didn't want to add fuel to Mase's fire. Even when we were alone in the car on the way home, Masen wouldn't talk to _me_.

"Masen, your attitude is really upsetting me. I can understand you being angry, but that doesn't make it okay to treat Uncle Jasper the way you did. Or me."

He crosses his arms and scowls out the car window. "He's not my Uncle, that's the point."

I glance at him in my rearview. "What's that mean?"

He huffs, "It means that if he _was_ my Uncle, it would be okay."

"You're not making any sense." That was the only conversation I got for twenty minutes. Not for my lack of trying. We even stopped at the office supply store to get him some new pencils and all he did was shrug when I asked him what kind he wanted.

I called Edward later that afternoon and left him a voicemail. The message was pretty clear- we need to talk. I felt bad bothering him at work, especially since I knew how hard of a day he was having today; removing a brain tumor and patching up a patient who was in a horrid car accident.

"Momma, will you help me pack my new things in my backpack?" He asks quietly, holding up his new Captain America pack. He inherited my love for all things Captain.

"Are you talking to me, now?" I raise a brow.

He nods and throws his arms around my waist. "I'm sowry momma." He sniffles. "I was a bad boy."

"You were, honey, and I don't understand why."

"I'm scared." He whispers.

I crouch down and pull him against me, hating how insecure he sounds. "Scared of what, baby?"

"Victor says that one day you're gonna find someone else that you love more than me and daddy, and that you're going to leave us." My heart literally breaks.

"Masen, look at me." His teary green eyes meet mine. "Masen, I love you more than anything in this world. I would do anything for you baby. Victor's _wrong_. There's not a person on this Earth that could _ever_ make me think about leaving you."

Damn Laurent and his fucking demon child.

Laurent Mayfair. The _bane_ of my existence. Ever since Edward and I separated, he's been on my ass about going out with him. Man doesn't know how to take 'no' for an answer. He's one of the tech guys at Aro's company, so unfortunately I see him almost every day. Our conversations usually include an enthusiastic 'good morning Bella!' from him and a half-assed reply from me. He then moves on to tell me about that latest menu options at his Uncle's restaurant down the street and asks if I'd like to join him for some 'fun!'.

Not likely.

Now it appears as if he's brainwashed his seven year old son Victor into his mentality.

Laurent's harmless and not a bad guy, he's just not right for me. Rose encourages me to give him a chance; maybe he's really sweet, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way.

"But what if someone does?"

I rub his back in hopes to calm him down. "Baby, I can't promise that I'll never meet anyone special…" He starts to look panicked. "But, I will never _ever_ leave you. Look at me." I thrust his chin up. "I love you, Masen. No one in this world could ever mean more to me than you."

"What about dadduh?"

I hesitate. "Him too." Right now, I would tell him the sky is purple if it would wipe the sad, defeated look off his face. "Now, what's this about needing help getting ready for school?" He perks up and grabs his backpack off the floor, wiping his tears away. "Let me cut the tags off."

Edward calls shortly after we finish packing his things up in his bag for tomorrow asking if he can come over for dinner; he has Chinese. Of course I agree, who in their right mind would say no to orange chicken? Plus it'll give us time to talk, face to face, once Mase has gone to bed.

"I got your message earlier." He says quietly from behind me, nearly making me crap my pants.

"Jesus, Edward." My hand flies to my chest. "Don't fucking _do_ that." I hiss.

"Scardy Swan." He teases, crossing his arms and looking delicious in his faded Levi's and tight green thermal.

"Well," I clear my throat once my heart returns to its normal pitter-patter. "We do need to talk. Some shit went down today with Masen."

His brows furrow and his teasing attitude is instantly gone, replaced only with concern for his son. It's one of the reasons I fell in love with Edward. He could make me laugh until I cried, but the moment something serious came up, he was able to switch right over to concerned and thoughtful. "Is he alright?"

"He's okay now." I lean out the doorway until I spot Masen in the living room playing with his video games. "Will you stay a bit after I put Masen down? I'd rather he not hear."

"Of course." He nods, "Everything's okay though, right? Just tell me that much."

I realize how much my cryptic comments must be worrying him. "He's fine… just, growing up." I tell him sadly. "God, he's starting _kindergarten_ tomorrow." I set down the Chinese carton I'm emptying onto a plate for Mase and lean against the counter. "He's growing up too fast." I try to stop myself, but I can't control the few tears that leak down my face.

"Hey, shh." Edward shushes me and wraps me in his arms. He places a tender kiss on my head and rocks us gently.

"_Kindergarten_, Edward." I sob.

Edward smiles against my hair. "You knew this day would come. He can't stay small forever."

"But he's my baby."

He squeezes me tighter and whisper a quiet, "I know," his voice thick with emotion.

"You'll be there, right? You took tomorrow morning off?"

He nods, "I told boss-man I wouldn't be in until nine to nine thirty. It's no big deal, I don't have any surgeries lined up until two."

"He'll be so happy." I sniffle, untangling myself from his limbs. "Thank you." I hope he understands that I don't just mean for taking tomorrow off. "For being here for me." I add.

He smiles but doesn't comment. "Did you tell him I'd be there?" I grab our plates and tell Mase to shut off his game.

"No, I thought you might like to surprise him."

"I can't-" He's cut off by Masen barreling into the room, squealing when he sees his favorite meal set out on his plate.

"Thank you dadduh!" He grins, giving Edward a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "My favit!"

"Fav-or-ite." I correct him, receiving an eye roll.

"Don't roll your eyes at your mother, mister." Edward chastises, sending me a wink when Masen isn't looking. "Just because you're a big boy now doesn't mean you can be rude." We dig onto our food. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the tantalizing flavor of the chicken hit my tongue. "You all ready for school tomorrow, Buddy?"

Masen gulps, "Yeah, I guess." His shoulders slump, "I really wish you could be there too, though."

Edward meets my eyes over the table and smile. "Well, Auntie Rose and Sue will be there with mommy." He ignores Mase's plea.

"Uncle Seth, too." I add. "He called last night and asked if he could come with us. That'll be fun, right?" Sue's eighteen year old son Seth and Masen got along great; like brothers really. Despite their thirteen year age gap, Seth never makes Mase feel young or stupid.

"I do love Sethie." Masen agrees.

"Are you excited?" Edward asks.

"So excited!" Mase screams, surprising us both. He spends the rest of dinner telling us everything that he's going to do this year, and all the friends he's going to make. I try to be an attentive listener, I really do. I 'oh' and 'ah' in all the right places, but inside my mind is reeling. How can he be five already? How can he be starting kindergarten _already_?

I think Edward can tell I'm not really paying attention. He gives me odd looks throughout the night and squeezes my hand every once in awhile. I don't bother giving him any reassuring smiles, or telling him I'm okay. Because that would be a lie. I'm not okay.

My little boy is growing up, and there's not a thing I can do to stop it.

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**Uh oh, Mase is growin' up(:**

**Thanks for reading, drop me a line before ya' go!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Alright, here's chapter 5! Thanks everyone who read and reviewed last chapter, you guys are amazing(:**

**Also, special thanks to ana rod who pimped out **_**If Not Now**_** on her fanfiction rec blog! Check it out here, just remove the spaces: **

**twilightfanfictionrecsblog . blogspot . com**

**/ 2013 / 07 / if-not-now . html**

* * *

"You really okay?" Edward asks for the hundredth time as we sip our coffee out in the balcony. We had our dreaded 'talk' and I told him everything that Masen and been saying and doing in regards to our relationship and his concerns over Jasper. He nearly broke down along with me when I relayed to him what happened this afternoon about me leaving him. We held each other a lot in those few hours; more than we had during our two years of marriage.

He surprised me when he told me Masen had come to him with some of the same concerns some time ago. He said he would've told me sooner, but Masen seemed to have forgotten everything entirely and he didn't want to bring it back up. Apparently it was when he was dating his girlfriend Lauren. Mase caught them kissing one night and freaked out, screaming at him how he 'can't do that' and 'she's not momma.' Edward broke it off with Lauren and hasn't dated anyone since.

"I'm fine, Edward."

We agreed to sit down with Masen after this weekend; our weekend in Forks with his parents. After even more pleading on his part, I finally relented and told him I'd go. I'm slightly ashamed to say that I'm looking forward to it. A weekend away and seeing Carlisle and Esme again. Just the three of us on vacation… we'll be like a _family_.

Not that I have any problem in regards to the way Edward and I's relationship. It's just… it would be nice to see the flip side of things. How things would've been if we had made it work. Would we be happier? Would we still be in love? Would it have saved Masen from feeling like he's losing me, the way he does now?

"I know how you feel." His green eyes are shining in the low moonlight. Seattle has granted us another cloudless night; the starts twinkling beautifully against the black night. "About Masen growing up. It feels like… I blinked my eyes and suddenly he's all grown up. I still remember the day he was born, like it was just yesterday."

"Before you know it he's walking and talking. Another blink of an eye and he's starting school." I turn to face him. "I'm dreading the day that he refuses to hug me in front of his friends and wipes off my kisses."

He laughs. "I don't think you have to worry about that. He's a mommy's boy all the way." We sit in silence for a few moments, enjoying the view. Its times like this that I can imagine being together with Edward. Like _together_, together. Sitting out in the balcony with our coffee just talking and teasing. It's like it used to be back in college. Before Masen- not that I would change him in _any_ way- and before things got complicated. Back when our biggest concern was how we would juggle studying for finals and making out on his couch. "I used to be jealous, you know. Of your relationship with Mase."

I shoot him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

He shrugs. "He's so much closer to you, always has been. I used to think it was just a natural thing; mother and their children and all that. But now… He can barely go a day without seeing you and... Sometimes I don't see him all week. And then I think back to when he was a baby and I wonder; you know? I mean, if I was there more, would he act like he does around you with me?"

I stare at him, not sure what to say.

"Sorry, I'm rambling. Just ignore me."

"No," I spin in my seat to face him. "It's fair to think that… But Edward," I shake my head. "He doesn't favor me over you, or you over me. He loves you so much, and the days when all he gets is a phone call from you… that _kills_ him, Edward. I catch him crying sometimes, after I put him to bed. I'll ask him what's wrong and he tells me he misses you."

He gasps, his eyes filling with unshed tears. "Why didn't you ever tell me."

"Because I knew all it would do is upset you. And that was last year. You were still finishing up your training, and there was nothing you could do to take more time off."

"You still should have said something."

I shrug. "It's over now, anyway. You see him almost every day, and he's so much happier."

"Sometimes I wish…" He stops and we listen as the crickets creak below us.

"Wish what?" I prompt after minutes of silence.

"That I wouldn't have chosen this career."

"What are you talking about? You're a great doctor. This is what you've always wanted to do." And it's true. He's always wanted to follow in his neurosurgeon father's footsteps and save lives. He didn't have a preference of what kind of doctor he wanted to be, he just wanted to _help_ people. Over the past few years, he's become one of the most highly respected surgeons in the northwestern hemisphere. Some patients fly all the way from the East coast, just to have their procedures done by Edward.

"I know, and I'm glad I followed my dream… But my career has taken so much from me. My love, my wife." He glances at me from under his lashes. "My boy's childhood."

I start shaking my head. "You didn't lose Masen's childhood. You were there for _everything_."

"Every-_thing_, but not every _moment_."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He doesn't say anything, presumably thinking. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

What? "No! Tell me what you're thinking."

"Honestly? I wish things had turned out different."

I watch him from the corner of my eye. "Different how?" He just smiles and shrugs. "Edward, tell me-"

"So, have you told Masen about Forks this weekend?"

This man's mood swings are giving me whiplash. I swear, I'm sending him my chiropractic bill. "No, I haven't." Stubborn man. If he wants to stew in his own thoughts and not tell me anything, fine. Screw him. "I figured I'd wait until it got a little closer in case-" I stop and purse my lips.

"In case you back out at the last second?"

I sip my coffee. "I'm going, Edward."

"Stubborn, Swan."

"Oh, _I'm_ the stubborn one." I ask, glaring. He smiles cheekily back at me.

I lean my head on his shoulder, breathing in his delicious scent. "You should go."

He glances at the Rolex on his wrist. "I should. Is it wrong that I don't want to move just yet?"

No, no it's not. Because I don't want to move either. "We can be wrong together," I mumble, feeling the sleep pulling at my conscience.

"Oho, I'd like to be _wrong_ with you." I can practically feel his cocky smirk permeating the air around us.

"You are a pervert. And here I thought we were having a moment." I tease, knocking my head playfully against his.

"How long," I'm half-asleep when his deep voice jars me awake again. "Has it been since you've been laid."

My eyes shoot open and I stiffen, "Excuse me?" Where the hell did that come from?

"When was the last time you had sex, Bella." He rolls his eyes, as if it _isn't_ one of the most personal questions he could've asked. "Weeks? Months?"

"I'm not answering that." I snuggle back into his side. _Hm, he's warm_.

"We're friends right?" I nod. "And friends divulge this information with each other, no?"

"No, Edward."

"You'd tell Rose, right?" More like, if she asked, she wouldn't leave me alone until she got her answer.

"That's different."

"How?"

"I didn't used to be married to Rose. I've never _slept_ with Rose."

"What, just because we've _done it_, you can't tell me who you've been with since?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why, Bella?"

I huff, punching his abdomen. He lets out a grunt. Hey, at least I didn't aim for the balls. "Because, that would be _awkward_."

"Only if we made it awkward."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up. Please. I'm not telling you how long it's been since I've fucked with anyone."

Silence. I count to fifteen, and just when I think I've won, he starts up again. "Five months."

I crack one eye open and peer up at him. From my position curled into his side, all I see is the bottom of his well-defined chin speckled with five-o'clock shadow. "What?"

"Five months since I've had sex last. It was Lauren."

"Uniboob?" I snicker, remembering Ro's and my nickname for his ex Lauren Mallory. She got a tit job and ended up with- what looked like- one giant boob protruding from her chest. We thought it was hilarious. Edward laughs with me, running his hands along my bare arms.

Oh now he thinks it's funny.

"Seriously?" I ask, once the reality of what he's just said hits me. And hit me it does. Right in the face. "Five _months_?" Now I feel bad for thinking he fucked everything with legs and a vag. "But what about Theresa? And Coleen? And Kate?"

He shakes his head. "Tit for tat, what's your number?"

I clear my throat. "Two months." Wow, I feel like a whore. "Garrett. From work."

"I remember Gare-bear. Man that guy was a pussy. You sure know how to pick 'em, Swan."

I snort, not disagreeing. Garrett was a little _different;_ in an obsessed with all things supernatural kind of way. "I picked you, didn't I?" He chuckles along with me, but I can tell it's forced. Did I go too far? No, who am I kidding. This _is_ Edward.

"Why did you?"

"Why did I what?"

"Pick me."

I let out a breath. "Honestly, or teasingly?"

"Honestly."

"Because you were everything I wanted in a guy. We were best friends, so I knew everything about you. I knew you still slept with a teddy bear when you were sixteen-"

"Hey!"

"I knew you had a sense of humor that rivaled mine. I knew you were everything I needed to be happy, and I loved you for it. You cheered me up when I was sad. You treated me like I was a goddess-"

"You were. Still are."

"Why did I pick you? Because when I imagined my future, you were always by my side."

I swear I hear him sniffle a bit. "Bet'cha didn't imagine me as an ex-hubby, huh?"

I laugh, "I can honestly say, I didn't imagine what we have now. But then again, I never thought I'd have a _Masen_."

"You know I was scared as shit when you told me you were pregnant." He admits. As if I didn't already know. I'm ninety nine percent sure he crapped his pants when I broke down and told him.

"You think you were scared? Imagine being me. All I kept thinking of was those eighth grade heath videos we watched where the chick was squeezing a watermelon sized kid out if her vagina."

"Bella," He huffs, "I'm being serious here."

"Me too." I insist. That shit was terrifying.

"Anyway, as scared as I was… the minute he popped out, I was the happiest man alive. I knew that whatever would happen, we'd make it through. And I still, to this day, believe that. This whole shit storm with Mase… it'll blow over. And you and I? We'll make it through, just like we always do."

I nod in agreement. There was nothing for me to say, he summed it up perfectly.

* * *

**Hmm, I think Eddie's a bit of a masochist…**

**Drop me a line before ya' head out!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks everyone who reviewed last chapter! You guys are awesome(:**

* * *

"You ready for school, Mase?" I glance back at him in the rearview of my truck. He nods excitedly, mumbling something I can't make out. "You sure you have everything?"I raise an eyebrow, knowing full well he doesn't. He left his pencil case and lunchbox on the counter.

"Yes, momma."

"Can you check, please?" I ask patiently.

Wait for it…

"Oh, no! Momma! I fowgot my pencils! And my Captain America lunch! Momma, turn around!" He panics, starting to hyperventilate.

"Mase, calm down." I reach down below my seat at a red light and hold his stuff out to him. "Next time check before we leave the house, okay little man?"

He nods, breathing out a sigh of relief. "I promise they were there when I checked. They must have growd legs and crawled out of my bag."

My little stubborn liar. Just like his father; he hates admitting he's wrong.

"Mase, you know they don't have legs."

"I guess not." He shrugs. "Maybe Puppy took them out." Oh yes, because when Puppy isn't shitting on my carpet, he's stealing pencil cases and lunch bags.

I hold my tongue, letting him have this one since it _is_ his first day of school. According to him, this is 'big boy school.' Preschool last year was just the 'little leagues.'

I pull up to Seattle elementary and shut off the engine, smiling at Mase who's 'ohhing' at the play yard next to the parking lot. "Do you think I can play on there?"

"If you promise to be careful, I'm sure you'll be allowed." I tell him, grabbing his bag and helping him from his car seat. He hates the thing, but I refuse to let him get the booster seat until he's six. Call me overprotective, whatever. I know for a fact Edward's car doesn't have a car seat.

"Look! There's Grandma Sue and Sethie!" He wriggles around and prods me with his hands. "Come on, momma."

"Okay, okay." I slide his backpack over his shoulders and grab his hand as we make our way over to our waiting family. Rose just pulled up beside us in her SUV and jumps out with a gift bag. We give our standard hugs and greetings and watch as Mase tears his Captain America shield beanie out of the bag. He squeals in excitement and pulls it on, covering his messy head of bronze curls; and damn if he isn't the cutest little thing I've ever seen.

"You like it, Mase?" Rose asks, straightening it on his head.

"I love it! I can't wait to show Dadduh, he has one too so now we can match." Edward has one? News to me. "Do you think he'll like that?" He turns to me.

I spot Edward's familiar green eyes stepping out of a silver Volvo just behind him. "I don't know, Mase. Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"But he's not…" He trails off, noticing my secretive smile. He spins around comically, trying to follow the direction of my gaze. "Daddy? Daddy!" He runs over to Edward, arms outstretched and jumps into his arms. A boy and his father.

I thought a lot about what Edward was talking about last night; how he thinks Masen needs me more than him. He couldn't be more wrong. Masen needs us both equally as much; albeit for different reasons. I could never play the 'dad' part, and he could never be Mr. Mom.

The sight of them embracing makes my heart melt. There's something about a man with his child that gives my uterus the shudders; especially _Edward_ with a child.

"…wouldn't miss your first day buddy." I catch the tail end of their conversation.

"Glad you could make it." Rose comments, pulling out her camera. "Now, squeeze in with mommy for a picture." Mase jumps down and we kneel on either side of him. "Ready?" A flash goes off and I'm momentarily blinded. "Edward! Smile, geeze." She takes another. And another. And _another_.

Because apparently, Edward doesn't _like_ pictures. My five year old will ham it up in front of a camera with minimal grumbling while his twenty-something father whines like a colicky baby.

"Time to go Mase." I tell him with a sigh after wrestling the camera away from Rose. Twenty five pictures are _enough_. One of them is bound to come out alright. "Don't want to be late." He pulls Edward and I in for a 'fambly group-hug' and kisses us both.

"See you after school!" He shouts excitedly, running toward his class.

One tear. I allow myself _one_ tear in public. Thank god I'm not working today so I can go home and cry my heart out.

"He's gonna be fine, Bells." Seth comes up behind me, rubbing my back. We all wave at Masen as he turns back to us one more time before disappearing into his classroom. "You'll see."

"I know that." I sniffle, careful to compose myself before speaking. "I just can't believe he's so big already."

"But he'll always be a momma's boy." Seth argues, smiling brightly at Sue. "Just like me, right Ma?"

Sue kisses him on the cheek with a smack and pulls me in for a motherly hug. "You'll be okay. And next time, you won't even bat an eyelash."

"Whoa, next time?" I sputter, at the same moment Edward laughs.

"I keep tryin' for a _next time_, but Bean here won't give in."

"Bean?" Rose raises an eyebrow, obviously catching the pet-name and understanding its significance. "Next time?" she whispers to me while Seth and Edward chat. "He's been trying to have sex with you?"

"No-"

"Girl, you have some 'splaining to do." She drawls out. "You're not working today, right?" I shake my head. "Let's go get something to eat, yes? Sue and Seth can come if they aren't busy."

Turns out Sue and Seth were busy. Looking at apartments, of all things. Apparently my dad has had enough of sharing his and Sue's two bedroom 'love nest' with her teenage son. Seth and his friend have been searching high and low for a cheap place ever since they graduated high school a few months back. I tell them to try Edward and my building; they always have a flat or two vacant.

So, it's just Edward, Rose and I for a cup of Jo at the Starbucks down the street from the school. Ro wasn't too happy about Edward tagging along, but she got over it after he held the door open for her and paid for her hot chocolate.

"Shit!" Edward exclaims, cutting Ro off mid-sentence as she was relaying the news of her last OB/GYN visit.

"Excuse me?"

"No not you." He waves her off, glancing at his watch. "I got to get to the hospital." He downs the rest of his cup. "I'll see you guys later." He waves at her. "Bye Bean." With a kiss on my forehead, he races off toward his car.

Rose raises an eyebrow. "Bean?"

I chuckle uncomfortably under her penetrating stare. "Yeah, funny story."

"Funny ha-ha, or funny as in you realized you love him?"

I stare at her, horrified. "What?"

She looks up from her drink. "What?"

"What did you just say?"

She ignores me and sips on her coco. "You were telling me the _funny_ Bean story."

"It's not funny." I snap, not having the patience to deal with her bitchy attitude. "He started calling me Bean again."

"When?"

"Friday night, after Ben's party."

"Why?"

"What's with the Spanish Inquisition?"

She rolls her eyes with a huff, "Answer the question, please. If you expect me to give my opinion, I need all the facts."

"Fine. I don't know why. We were talking about… us after we picked up Masen. Before he left, he-"

"Back up there, Bells. You were talking about… 'us'? What's 'us'?"

"You know, _us_. Me and Edward. Our relationship."

"Oh? And what was said?"

I shrug, not wanting to divulge Edward and I's every secret. We never told anyone why we divorced, just that it 'wasn't working.' It's not that we're ashamed of it, we just don't want the whole family butting in on our business. What happened is strictly between Edward and I. And Masen, when he's old enough to want to know. "We just talked. Not about anything in particular."

I can tell she doesn't believe me. "That's a lie if I ever did hear one." She shakes her head. "But I won't push." We sit in relative silence, considering there's at least twenty other people in the little shop talking and laughing. "You two seem to be getting closer."

"I guess."

"He made a joke about you two having sex."

"And it was just that; a joke." I insist, wondering where she's going with this line of questioning.

"He kissed you before he left just now."

"On the _cheek_."

She bites her lip for a moment, contemplating something. I can almost see the wheels turning behind her eyes. "Are you two getting back together?" She rushes out.

And there it is.

"Nope." I sip my Latte.

"What? Really?"

"Why would you think we were?"

"Well, gee. I don't know. Maybe the fact that, he can never keep his hands off of you. Maybe because you always watch him with this dreamy look on your face when you think no one's watching."

"I do not!"

"Yes, hon, you do. You think no one notices, but I see _everything_." She laughs, "Don't feel too bad, he does it too."

"He may, but I don't." I cross my arms. Childish? Probably. I'd rather look childish than admit to the fact that sometimes I _do_ watch him.

"God you two are blind. You know what you're getting for Christmas?"

I cock an eyebrow. "Coal?"

"No, that's Emmett. Nope, you two are getting fucking sunglasses so you can see what's right in front of you."

"Rose, _enough_ with that stuff. We tried a relationship and it didn't work out. We have a friendship for Mase's sake, and it's a win-win for everyone."

"What you two have going on-" she waves her arms at me, "Is not a friendship, honey. That is what we call _foreplay_."

"Foreplay?" I ask, incredulous.

"Yes, foreplay. You two get off on that petty banter, I swear."

"It is not foreplay. We're friends. End of story."

"Bella-"

"End. Of. Story." I demand.

"You know what? Fine."

"Good. And you will not be bringing this up this weekend at Carlisle and Esme's place, understand?"

She nods once, probably upset that she lost our tiff. "So you're going?" I hum in agreement, taking a bite of my brownie. "They'll be glad to see you."

"That's what I hear."

"Every time Esme and I talk she begs me to drag you up there the next time we visit her."

"Edward says the same."

"She's sorry, you know. To not have you as an _official_ part of the family. She hates what happened." I watch her carefully as she clears her throat, her eyes meeting mine. "We all are. Sorry, that is. About what happened."

I take in a deep breath. Don't yell at her. _Don't_ yell at her, Bella. She means well. "I know. And if I'm being honest, I'm sorry too."

Her voice is quiet. "How different do you think things would be? If you hadn't…"

"Well," I joke, trying to lighten the mood. "I wouldn't have to hear you nag about what a hermit I am because I never date."

Her eyes light up and she starts to dig through her oversized purse. "I'm glad you reminded me." She slips me a green sheet of copy paper. "Here you go. You're welcome, by the way."

I glance at the sheet. "It's an address."

"I know." She beams.

"For a… steakhouse." I set it down. "And why do I need an address to a steakhouse?"

"Because, you're meeting Jake there this Wednesday night at six."

"Jake?"

"Yes, Jake. I got _you_ a date."

* * *

**Hmm.. I wonder how Edward is going to feel about Bella's **_**date**_**?**

**Drop me a line before ya' go!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow! A huge response from last chapter, thanks to everyone who took the time to give suggestions and let me know how they're feeling about the story. Judging from what I read, not many Team Jacob fans out there, lol.**

**Special thanks to byhelenahandbasket for the rec!**

**Okay, on with the 'date.'**

* * *

I'm sitting in my truck, banging my head against the window. Why, you ask, am I doing such a harmful thing to myself? Because I have a _date_.

I hate dates.

Especially dates with guys named _Jake_ who are retired _J. Crew_ models. Apparently Rose met him at a photo-shoot before she retired a few years back, and they kept in touch. And when he broke up with his girlfriend, she just _knew_ he would love me.

A J. Crew model, _really_?

Because I don't make enough of an ass of myself in front of _normal_ guys. Oh no, she just has to embarrass me by setting me up with some ex-model.

His name's Jacob Black. He moved up from California last year to be closer to his father who lives in Port Angeles. He's a six foot two Scorpio, and built like a swimmer. Or so Google says.

Yes, I Googled him after I got home from breakfast with Rose. Who wouldn't be a little curious?

A knock on my window startles me. "Momma, unlock the door." Mase scowls at me, his little face pressed up against the glass leaving smudges and oil that I'll have to wipe off later. I hit unlock and instantly pull him into my arms.

"Baby boy." I pepper him with kisses. "How was your first day?"

He grins. "It was the _bestest_! I made so much new friends-"

"So _many_ new friends."

He ignores me as he straps himself in his car seat. "Peter sits next to me- look! There he is!" His hand shoots out in front of my face as he points to a red-haired boy hand in hand with a petite black haired woman. "He's my new best friend."

"What about uncle Sethie?" I check his straps before rolling out of the elementary school parking lot.

"Oh," his face scrunches up. "Sethie's my best _old_ friend. Peter's my best _school_ friend." He smiles, proud to have distinguished the two. "And then there's Charlotte. She's Peter's cousin, and she's real pretty Momma. She has brown hairs like you."

I frown at the mention of a 'pretty' girl. Aren't girls supposed to have cooties?

"Not Charlotte, Momma." He replies to my questioning him about girls and cooties. "She's okay 'cuz she's cousins with Peter."

I still don't like her. "And what about your teacher. Is she nice?"

"Mrs. Kathy's the sweetest, momma. You'd really love her. She told us a story about her dog Scottie and how he loved to run around in her backyard, and I thought of Puppy." He grins, his innocent face alight in excitement.

I listen with rapt attention as my baby relays every part of his day- down to the second by second play back of how he and Peter swapped sandwiches. Watching him through the rear-view and hearing how happy he is puts my mind at ease about him starting a big boy school. As long as he's happy, I'm happy.

The rest of the week is uneventful, save for Edward's 'drop by's around seven every night to see Masen. He's yet to bring up anything about our relationship, and for that I'm thankful. I have enough on my mind at the moment and don't feel that I'm ready to dredge up and memories and attempt to make sense of my un-feeling feelings for my ex-husband.

The aforementioned ex-husband and Mase talk in the living room while I lock myself in my closet, fretting about what I'm going to wear on my 'date'. Am I excited? _No_. Do I want to go? _No_. Does that mean I have to look like slob?

Absolutely not.

Edward watches me with an indecipherable look in his eyes as I kiss my boy's forehead and gather my purse and keys. "I think… Masen's sick." Edward's voice is grave and my fingers hesitate at the doorknob.

"What?" my eyes shoot to Masen who's happily playing with his matchbox cars and crashing them together. _He was just fine!_ My inner panic-mom mode switches on and I'm across the room and feeling his forehead before Mase has the time to finish his three car pileup under the coffee table. "What's wrong, baby?" He doesn't feel warm, and his nose isn't runny.

Mase's head cocks to the side, "Nothing?" he glances at Edward and his eyes light up. "I mean… Momma I think I'm sick. You should stay home with me and daddy." He glances back over at Edward, then to me adding an obviously fake round of coughing.

My eyes narrow. "Edward?"

"Yes, Bean?" He tries to look innocent, but I see right through him.

"That was the _worst_ performance I've ever heard." I say goodbye to Masen for the second time tonight and Edward follows me back to the front door. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That little cough-cough I'm sick, thing?" I tap my foot. "Hm?"

He sighs and rubs his forehead. "Stay home with us." He pleads, pushing the front door closed. "We'll order Chinese and watch a movie."

"Edward-"

"I'll even give you my fortune cookie; I know you love those." He smiles devilishly, and I almost agree. Almost.

"Edward, I can't. I told Rose I'd go, and he's probably already there. It's too late to cancel."

His face falls. "You're right. Of course you're right. You're a woman; you have needs, I know that." His voice is almost impossible to hear, and I figure he's really just talking to himself at this point. "Well," he clears his throat and rubs his forehead again. "Have fun."

I kiss his cheek muttering a 'you too,' thoroughly confused, but afraid to ask why he's acting so strange. A quick glance back once I'm in the hallway reveals a comfortably dressed Edward watching my backside with a dark look in his eye.

Which is why; in my new ass-flattering skinny jeans and red silk blouse, I feel like I could take on the world as I walk through the glass doors of 'The Steak House' ready for my night out.

Having been on my last date over three months ago, I'm a bit nervous as I spot Jake's jet black hair, slicked back against his tan face. "Jake?" I ask, timidly when I reach his table.

He glances up at me, doing a double take as his eyes run me over. He clears his throat, standing suddenly and almost knocking over the table. Strangely, it doesn't flatter me the way it does when Edward looked me over at the apartment. "You must be Bella." He grins, revealing his pearly whites. "You look amazing." He pulls out my seat for me.

I stammer out a 'thank you,' embarrassed at the flood of color in my cheeks.

"So where's the little guy tonight?" He questions, setting down his menu.

"Oh," I let out a breath of air. "Rose, uh, told you about Masen?"

"She did." He nods. "He sounds like a little sweetheart." He eyes me warily. "Was she not supposed to tell me?"

"No, it's fine. It's just usually a big turn off for guys." I chuckle awkwardly, setting my napkin in my lap.

"How so?"

I stare at him incredulously. "It honestly doesn't bother you that I have a five year old son?" He shakes his head.

"I love kids, really. I would never judge you for having a child, Bella. That's not who I am."

"Well then, you're one of the good ones." I tell him, pleasantly surprised. Maybe this date won't be so bad after all.

Time on our date passes surprisingly quickly, and before I know it, Jake's being handed the check because the steakhouse is closing soon. I watch in amazement as he smoothly apologizes to the frustrated waitress, instantly turning her into goo. According to him, we 'lost track of time.' And it's true; we did. I've never met such a ridiculously funny man- he had me laughing all night.

"It's no problem." The waitress blushes as she takes his credit card. "Don't even worry about it. I'll be right back with this."

"How much do I owe you?" I ask, pulling out my wallet. He rests his hand on top of my own, halting my fumbling. Another thing I noticed throughout the night? He touched me. A lot. Whether it's a finger stroke or a full on hand-hold, he's touched me at least fifty times tonight.

And there was absolutely no spark. Not once.

"Bella, _I_ asked you out. No way am I letting you pay for anything." Mr. Touchy-Touch assures me.

"But, Jake-"

"Nope. Not going to happen."

I blush, nodding once. "Thank you."

"I had a nice time tonight, so thank _you_."

"I did too." That's a partial truth. Sure, I had a lovely evening. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about Masen and Edward. What were they doing? Are they having fun? Did they go out to eat, or did Edward cook? Did Mase miss me? Did… _Edward_ miss me?

"Maybe we could go out again some time. As friends…" He adds carefully, eyeing me across the table. Does that mean he feels the way I do? That there is _no_ way this could go anywhere?

I smile, grateful. "Friends sounds _perfect_." I need a spark… Jake and I have no spark. When Edward and I were dating, we could have started a lightning storm with the current the cracked between us whenever we touched.

He lets out a breath. "I like you, Bella, I _really_ do."

"But, tonight seemed like more of a night out with a sibling than a date?" I finish for him, arching an eyebrow.

"Thank god you felt it too. Don't get me wrong, you're a beautiful woman… Just not my type."

"Oh?" I prompt, sipping the last of my wine. "And what _is_ your type?" He just smiles and shakes his head.

"I gotta keep some things a secret." He teases and walks me out.

I unlock my truck with a beep and turn back to him. "Really, thank you for tonight. I think I needed a night away."

"My pleasure." He kisses my cheek. "Do you want me to follow you home? It is after eleven, I wouldn't want you to have any car troubles and be alone." He's sweet, that's one thing I know for sure. From pulling out my chair before our date, to this… too much of him would give anyone cavities.

That was a bad pun. I _must_ be tired.

"No, that's okay. I'll be fine." I hop in my truck after a quick 'goodbye' and start on my way home.

Home, to my little bronze haired boy and his green eyed daddy.

I knock on Edward's door lightly, not wanting to wake Masen if he's sleeping. It's eleven thirty and he _should_ be sleeping, but Edward usually lets him get away with anything. Within reason. The door clicks unlocked and is swung open, revealing a half-sleeping Edward in a pair of black boxers and… nothing else.

Hubba- hubba.

"Hey," he smiles lightly, ushering me in. His apartment is a mess; Masen's toys are strewn everywhere, and there's a large sheet-fort in the middle with Christmas lights hanging off of it.

"Looks like you had fun."

He chuckles, running a hand through his already mussed-up hair. "We did. Made a fort, watched some TV, and ordered pizza." He slumps back on the couch and groans in pain, pulling the plastic dinosaur out from under his ass. "How about you? How was your _date_?" His light, teasing tone is obviously forced.

I roll my eyes and sit down next to him. "It was great. Jake's a really nice guy."

"Jake, huh?" he makes a face. "Sounds like a douche."

I smack him on the… bare… chest. "He is not a _douche_! He's a really nice guy."

"Are you seeing him again?"

"We agreed to meeting up again but no real plans, no." I shrug.

"Hm," He hums, a frown on his face. "Did you tell him about Masen?"

"Rose beat me to it."

"Hm."

"Hm? Is that all you can say? What does that even mean?" I ask, frustrated with his single-syllabic answers.

He lets out a breath and rests his cheek on the top of my head. "It means, that I'm tired."

"Of?"

"A lot of things."

"Meaning?"

He snorts. "Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about."

"Aw," I tease, "You think I have a pretty head?"

He smiles against my hair and I grin as well. "Hush, woman, I'm sleeping." He closes his eyes.

"Are you working tomorrow?"

His voice is quiet, and muffled against my hair. "Not until noon, why?"

"Would you mind taking Masen to school? I have to go into the office early since I won't be here this weekend."

I feel him nod. "That's fine. He can just spend tonight here, then."

"Thank you." I whisper. It's not long before his breath evens out, and he slumps even heavier against me. When I'm positive he's asleep, I maneuver my way out from under him- _that sounded perverted_- and stare at his relaxed form. At his beautifully sculpted chest and light spattering of hair. He looks younger when he's asleep.

Curled up on his couch as he is, I can almost picture us as teenagers sleeping over at each other's houses when my parents were out of town. He would start off on the couch across from my childhood bed, but by the morning, he was right there curled up behind me.

He really is a handsome man.

I kiss him gently on the forehead and wish him a goodnight before letting myself out.

* * *

**What do you think of Edward's plan to ruin Bella's date, hm? Ha nice try Eddie(;**

**Thanks for reading, and don't forget to drop me a line before ya' head out!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know I promised some of you an update yesterday, but I've been having wi-fi troubles for the past few days, so I do apologize for that!**

**Guys, we hit over a hundred reviews last chapter! You have no idea how excited I was when we reached the hundred mark and beyond, you guys are so amazing! Thank you for that(:**

**And now, without further ado… continue(:**

* * *

"Happy Friday, Smella-Bella." Jasper teases, way too damn chipper for eight A.M.

"Don't fucking remind me." I grumble, stapling the Smith's divorce files together. "What the hell was I thinking? Agreeing to go back to Forks with Edward? What am I, a masochist?"

"Just think of how happy Mase'll be." He reminds me, leaning against my desk. "How is he? You know, in regards to _me_?"

I sigh, blowing a stray piece of hair out of my eye. "Honestly? I have no idea. I talked to him about it, but now he acts like nothing ever happened. I mentioned you yesterday, and he asked when you'd be coming by again. I just don't understand."

"I think he-" Jazz starts, then stops abruptly, his mouth dropping open as he stares at something- or someone, rather- over my shoulder. "Holy shit. Who is _that_?"

"What? Who?" I have to kneel up on my chair before I'm able to see who's caught his eye. _Damn my short frame_. Stretching up I can see what he's staring out. Or _who_, rather. And I don't like it, not one bit. "Jasper, don't you dare." I warn seriously, watching the petite little dark haired girl pour herself a cup of coffee. "She can't be older than seventeen!" I hiss, smacking his arm with the Smith's file I was previously organizing.

He shakes his head, never taking his eyes off the girl. "You know every intern Aro hires is at least eighteen." A cat-ate-the-canary grin stretches over his face and I swear he giggles like a little girl. "It's not illegal, Smella. Just because you have the sex-life of a pebble doesn't mean we all do."

"Japer, no. Don't touch this one." I shake my head, going back to my filing while trying to ignore the fact that my best friend is a dirty little slut. "Haven't you driven enough interns out of here by now? What is it, some kind of game to you; see how fast you can bang the fresh meat? These girls are human beings, Jasper, not dolls! They have lives, and feelings! Stop fucking around with them!" My voice has risen in pitch until by the end of my little rant, I'm sure only dogs can hear what I'm saying.

"What the hell, Bella? You've never had a problem with it before!" He whisper-yells, waving his hands dramatically toward his nether regions.

"I've always had a problem with it, I just let it go. No more, Jazz. Stay the fuck away from this one." I tell him in my 'mom' voice I've only ever had to use with Masen. Apparently Jazz needs the same treatment as my kindergartener. "Not only is it wrong; who know what these intern chicks are carrying? I mean shit Jazz, have you been tested recently?"

My words go in one ear and right out the other. "Maybe she's different." He smiles dreamily and pushes himself off my desk. "You know? Maybe she's 'the one'."

"She's not."

He glares. "You don't know that."

"Are we looking at the same girl? The really short one with the 'fresh-out-of-high-school' look going on?" I cock an eyebrow, already exhausted from fighting with him. "Geeze you could probably be her father." I tease, exaggerating only slightly.

"I'm only twenty seven, Bella, that's not-"

"Excuse me." A timid voice asks. I spin around in my spinny-chair and eye said aforementioned intern. _Shit, did she hear us?_ Maybe that would be a good thing; she'll know to stay far away from Jasper if she values her sanity. _And her innocence_. "Could you possibly point me to Mr. Volturi's office?" She blushes, running her hands along the hem of her blue peasant top. Her hair is shorter than I thought. Almost boyish, but she somehow manages to pull it off. She's adorable really, and by the look on Jasper's face I'm not the only one who thinks so.

"It's right down the hall," I point behind her. "The only room with a door." Lord only knows what he does behind them. I notice Jasper's heated stare raking her body up and down and throw an eraser at his head.

"Jasper, don't you have somewhere to be? Someone to _do_? Whatever happened to that blonde girl from last week?" I ask innocently, feeling satisfied as he starts to squirm.

"Don't be a bitch, Bella." He snaps, but I know he'll forgive me by lunch. "I'll talk to you this weekend?" his voice softens as he eyes intern-chick again before turning back to me. "Don't have too much fun." He waves, heading back to his office, presumably. Hopefully, considering he has a meeting with a teenage boy wanting to file a restraining order against his ex girlfriend.

"I highly doubt that." I frown, mulling over my decision to accompany Edward to his parent's house for about the thousandth time this morning. "And don't forget Jack Hope has an appointment in ten minutes." I call after him, knowing full well he's forgotten. I swear if that boy's head wasn't screwed on, he'd have lost it by now.

"I'm Alice, by the way." Intern-girl sticks out her hand nervously. Funny, she's so small I almost forgot she was there. "I'm the new intern; I start tomorrow morning." She grins.

Damn, another chipper one. I need more fucking coffee for this.

"Bella." I shake her hand, noticing how sweaty it is. _Nervous much?_ "Um, like I said, Aro's office is-"

"You seem nice." She exclaims, cutting me off. "Have any tips for the newbie?" She asks, pulling out the chair opposite me and plopping down. _Gee, make yourself at home, Alice_.

"Uh-" Tips? I automatically think back to the few crumpled up dollar bills I have in my wallet. "Well," I clear my throat, rubbing my forehead and try to think straight, my mind still hung up on Edward and Forks. "I'm actually in the middle of something…" I trail off, motioning to the shit storm of files around me that have to be sorted before I leave at noon.

"Oh. It's okay, I can wait." She smiles again, her white teeth reflecting the fluorescent light and damn near blinding me. _Not what I meant_, _Alice_. "Or I can help, if you need it. And it looks like you do." She shifts in her chair, leaning forward to pick through the files. "You know, it would be quicker if you organized these by case, not by name."

My eyes narrow. "You want tips, Alice? Tip one; People don't like to be told how to do their job."

"Oh, no!" her eyes widen comically behind her glasses. Huh, her eyes actually are really pretty. A light teal, almost green color. "I didn't mean to offend you! Oh, fuck, not a good way to start the job, Alice." She berates herself.

I laugh, because how could I not? "Relax. It was just a _tip_, remember?" _And hey, while she's here_; "If you want, you can start going through this pile," I hand her a stack of papers- the larger stack, naturally- "Put everything older than three years in one pile and everything current in another."

We fall into silence as we work diligently; her concentrating much harder than is necessary. I must admit, she's ambitious. Kind of… reminds me of myself a bit at that age. Pre-Masen of course. Pre-Masen Bella wanted to own her own business. Post-Masen Bella wants nothing more than to quit her job and spend every second with her little man while he's still young. Amazing how one child can change everything you thought you once wanted.

"Is this your brother?" Alice asks, holding one of the many pictures of Mase that scatter my desk.

I laugh, "My son, actually."

Again with the eye-widening. Alice is apparently _very_ expressive. "Your son? But you're… _young_."

I shrug, stapling another file. Fucking Aro and his damn busy work. "Not that young. Twenty six. He was definitely a surprise baby; but I wouldn't change him for the world. We had him when we were twenty one."

"Wow." She gasps, shaking her head. "I don't know how you did it… I couldn't imagine having a baby in two years. Was it hard?"

"It was… difficult, definitely. I got lucky though; Edward's a great dad. He always made sure I knew he was right by my side, through thick and thin." And she said in two years… that means she's probably around nineteen-ish. I log that away in my mind for later use.

"Edward is your husband?" She questions, grabbing another picture of my baby- this one taken during bath time when Edward styled his hair into a Mohawk with shampoo.

"Ex- husband." I correct, not sure why I feel the need to explain all this to her. Hell, I don't even know this girl. I sigh, "You finish yet?"

"Almost. So this is what you do all day?"

"This, answering phones, making schedules… I'm Aro's little bitch, but the money's good." I shrug. "So I have to ask; why the hell are you here today? I mean, if you don't start until tomorrow… I know when I was your age, my job is the last pace I wanted to be. And on days I didn't have to go in? Forget about it." Wow, I feel old. _When I was a youngin'…_

"I guess I just wanted to get to know some people. Familiarize myself with the building."

"You're an overachiever." I tell her, labeling the piles we've made.

"So I've been told." She shifts back in her seat, slumping against the back. "I don't think it's a bad thing. I just want to be… good at what I do."

"And what _do_ you want to do?"

"Marketing. Specifically for clothing lines and fashion magazines. My professor advised me to get some 'real-world' experience, so here I am." Her stomach decides to make itself known then, the grumbling echoing in the room. "That's embarrassing." She blushes, "Is there anywhere to eat around here?"

"There's a sandwich shop right across the Street. It's the only place worth eating at within walking distance of the office." I glance at the clock. Holy shit, we've been working for over three hours. "It's almost lunchtime- I'd get there early if I were you, it's a small place that tends to get packed quickly around noon."

She hands me the last of her paperwork, well, _my_ paperwork. "You want to join me?"

"Actually I have to go pick up my son. We're headed up to Forks for the weekend." I tell her apologetic. It's not a fake apology either, I really like this chick. _Another reason to keep her away from Jazz_.

"Oh, okay." She looks slightly deflated, her bottom lip pouting out a bit. She's cute in a little Tinkerbell-ish pixie way. "Maybe next time?"

Could I see myself becoming friends with Alice the intern? Quite possibly.

I nod, "Definitely."

* * *

**And, enter Alice(: Whatcha guys think about manwhoring Jasper? Lol**

**More Edward and Bella time next update!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys, I know I'm waaaay behind on updates and I apologize for that! My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Disneyland so I haven't had the time to post any new chappies. I thought I'd make it up to you with an extra long update; over 5,000 words, my longest chapter yet(: Hope you enjoy!**

**Also I want to give a special thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, you guys are the best!**

* * *

"Good afternoon, Miss Swan." Masen's school's attendant smiles cheekily while I try to figure out just how the hell she knows my name.

She must sense my confusion. "I'm Miranda Cope." She watches me expectantly. "Shelley Cope's daughter? We met last year at Mr. Volturi's Christmas party?" a questioning stare. "I was moms plus one." I pretend to know who she is and attempt to make polite small talk while she rustles through her filing cabinet, no doubt trying to find Masen's papers.

No wonder I don't remember her. Last year at Aro's annual employee Christmas bash, Jasper _somehow_ convinced me it would be a good idea to do Jager-Bombs before we left for the party. I learned two lessons that night; one, Jager and Bella do not mix well and two, never trust Jasper when he says '_trust me, it'll be fun_.' Nothing that follows that argument will ever end well.

"Mr. Cullen called this morning and informed us that Masen would be taken out early today." Miranda's voice snaps me from my daze.

_Um, what?_ "He did?"

She nods her head. "He seemed very excited." Her lips turn up into a small smile. "I already filled out most of the paperwork; you just need to sign here." She circles the dotted line at the bottom of the paper. "So where are you guys headed, if you don't mind my asking."

"Um, Forks." I smile tightly, handing back her clipboard. "We're visiting his parents."

"I think it's really sweet how close you two still are. My mom was just _devastated_ when you divorced; I think you guys reminded her of my dad and her when they were younger. The relationship you have with Mr. Cullen is great for Masen; I can't tell you how many kids we get up here in counseling who have problems because their parents hate each other. Terrible, I tell you."

"It is." I nod, wanting nothing more than to find my kid and get the hell out of dodge. My thoughts are too frazzled to make any more small talk.

I think she can tell I'm not in a verbose mood. "Here's your pass. Room two hundred, right down the hall with the blue door. I'll just let Mrs. Kathy know that you're on your way to pick Masen up." She reaches for the phone, still smiling. "Have a nice weekend, Miss Swan."

"You too," I mumble distractedly, already half-way out the door. Room two hundred. Two hundred, with a blue door. _They're all fucking blue doors_. After a few wrong turns, I find room two hundred, sandwiched between one ninety eight and… five hundred.

_Because _that_ makes sense._

I wait just outside, peering into the room. I spot Mase almost immediately sitting at a desk in between a red haired little boy and a black-haired girl. I can tell by the death grip he has on his crayon and the little pucker in between his eyebrows that he's deep in concentration. Unfortunately from here I can't see what he's working on. "Masen, honey, your mom's here." A plump woman- who I assume to be Mrs. Kathy- calls out to the class when she notices me standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Bella Swan," I stick my hand out for a shake. "It's so nice to finally meet you. Mase talks about you all the time; he absolutely _loves_ school. Thank you for that."

She smiles sweetly, "Just doing my job. Masen's a little sweetheart. You and your husband did a wonderful job raising him."

"Oh um," I debate whether or not I should correct her. I decide I might as well; I'd just seem like a bitch if she found out from someone else. "We're divorced, actually."

"Oh?" She looks taken aback. "I just assumed… I can generally tell divorced parents by the way their children act… not always, but generally. Masen always draws pictures of his 'family,' I just thought-" she rambles on, obviously uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed."

I wave her off, "Don't worry about it. We're still really close; for Masen's sake." _And_ because I doubt I'd be able to live a life where Edward wasn't included in one way or another.

I don't tell her that little tidbit.

Mase gathers up his backpack and high-fives the red haired boy before skipping over to us. "Missus Kathy," He asks, breaking out his puppy-dog eyes. _Uh, oh_. What did he do? "Can I bring my picture home today? Please? Pretty please?" He begs, pouting his lip. _Oh, he's good_.

I watch from the corner of my eye as Kathy practically melts. Oh yeah, Mase got his pouty face from his father.

Either of them breaks out _that_ face, and I'd do anything. I'm putty in their hands. It's pathetic, really.

"Mase, honey, we were going to put these pictures up on the wall for open house next week, remember?" She says softly, crouching down to readjust his backpack.

"I'll bring it back, I promise!" He holds out his picture to her. "I just wanna show it to my fambly tomorrow when we go and see them. Pretty please with a _cherry_ on top?" In his hand is one of the best pictures he's ever drawn- proportion wise anyway. My favorite picture he's given me, hands down, was the one of him Edward and I that he colored a few years ago. Our eyes are bigger than our heads, and Edward looks more like a monkey than a man; but it's still framed above my dresser in my room.

But this one; I can tell he's taken extra time to make this one special. It showcases nine people holding hands in the center- Him in the middle surrounded by me, Edward, Sue and Charlie, Seth, Leah, and Edward's parents. All the girls are in triangular pink dresses, and the boys in matching blue pants and green shirts. On the top, he's written out 'my family' in his messy kindergartener scrawl. Everyone's eyes are proportionate to their heads, although they have no noses or ears.

It's then that I notice I've snatched the picture from Mrs. Kathy and am practically blubbering like a baby.

My baby boy's a Picasso incarnate.

"Alright, Mase." Kathy relents, handing me a tissue for my snotty nose. "Just make sure you bring it back, okay? This is a great picture; I want to make sure it's up for everyone to see next week."

"Okay. My mama will keep it safe, right momma?" Mase asks, tugging on my hand.

"Of course." I blow my nose one last time and bank shot my tissue into the trash can. "I'll keep it safe. Go get your lunchbox, baby. We need to go."

"It really is a wonderful picture. All of his have been like this- he loves drawing his family." Kathy smiles, patting my arm. "He's a great artist."

"I'm sorry," I sniffle, "I'm usually not so…" I motion to my eyes which are probably red and puffy by mow.

"Don't even worry about it."

"Okay! Let's go, momma. Daduh's waiting for us." Masen exclaims, grabbing my by the coat and pulling me toward the door. "By Missus Kathy, by guys! I'm bustin' outta this joint!" Mase calls, waving to a large group of kids at the back of the room. They giggle and wave back, returning his enthusiasm. "You don't think he'd leave without us, do you?" Masen asks worriedly, rubbing his nose. A nervous habit.

"Baby, why would he leave without us?" I chastise him, strapping him into his car-seat, much to his dismay. He thinks that because he's a big kindergartener now, he can use the _big kid_ seatbelt.

Wrong.

"I don't know." He mumbles, glaring at me as I wrench on his safety belt. "Hey! It's tight enough."

"I don't know Mase; it still feels a little loose to me." I lie as he breaks out into a grin.

"Hey!" He giggles, batting my hands away. "Momma!" I laugh along with him and loosen his belt into a comfortable position.

"Here," I hand him his picture. "Hold onto this, okay? Keep it safe?"

"Kay." He inspects it closely. "I think its pretty dayum good, don'tcha?" He asks seriously.

"Masen, language." I close his door and get into the driver's seat. "You spend too much time with Uncle Emmett." I mutter under my breath, too quiet for him to hear.

"Well?" He asks quietly after a few seconds of silence.

"What?"

"Do you like it, or what?"

"Masen, honey, of course I like it. I love it! When Mrs. Kathy hands it back make sure you don't wrinkle it and we'll put it up on the fridge."

He's quiet as he mulls over my words. "Do you think Grandpa Carlisle and Grammy will like it too?"

"I'm sure they will." I know for a fact they will. Hell, we'll probably have to wrestle them for it when we leave Sunday. I wouldn't put it past Esme to hide it and tell us she lost it somewhere. She's sneaky like that.

"Good." He nods once, satisfied with my answer.

We drive in silence back to the apartment, Masen fighting sleep- and loosing- while I wonder, yet again, what the hell I was thinking agreeing to go with Edward. I'm not strong enough for this. To go to Forks and act like a big happy family. Of course we're a family, and of course I'm happy… but it's not the same thing. _Does that even make sense?_ Being back in Forks'll bring back memories of Edward and I- stolen kisses on the porch, dancing in the driveway of the Cullen house to whatever music was blasting from Edward's car stereo at the time. Memories I'll always cherish, but don't want rubbed in my face.

_Haha. You had him, and now you don't._

"What the hell?" I mumble, pulling into an empty space and glaring at the spectacle on the sidewalk.

"-think I should go too." I catch the tail end of something that fake blonde chick- fucking Tanya something or other- is shouting at a pain-stricken looking Edward. Deciding it's best to leave Mase in the car for now, I leave the driver's door open so I'll hear him if he wakes up, and head over to the unhappy cow and Edward. I try not to notice the bubble-gum pink suitcase sitting at her side, but it's like a beacon, drawing me in and making my mind go blank.

What the hell?

"Tanya, I told you…"

"Everything okay?" I stroll up causally, while I'm dying inside. _Why is she here?_

"Bella," Edward sighs, smiling gratefully and letting out a breath. "Where's Masen?"

"In the car," I nod my head back to my truck behind us. "He fell asleep on the way over here." My eyes never leave the chick in the pink track-suit.

"Edward!" She snaps. I almost forgot how annoying she was. Almost.

He jumps and cringes, his hand flying to his chest. "Jesus, Tan." He seems just as pissed to see her here as I am. _Score one for Bella_. "Tanya, no. I told you last week-" he glances at me nervously, his voice dropping. "I told you last week how I felt about you. It's not going to happen."

Damn. It's time like these I wish I could read minds.

"I know what you said, but I think you're crazy. We'd be great together." She says, matter-of-factly, stomping off to the trunk of her car to grab… holy hell _more_ suitcases.

"Edward?" I prompt, once tapping my foot. "What the hell?"

"Bean, I… I'm sorry; I had no idea she was going to do this. I told her we were done! I thought she understood…"

"Edward!" I hiss

"I… I invited her before I invited you, okay? I was drunk and lonely and it seemed like a good idea at the time." He whisper-yells, watching behind me for her reappearance. "And then, I took it back! Told her I didn't feel about her like that and I thought she would get it! I figured she would consider herself _uninvited_."

"Jesus Christ, Edward. Girls like that don't just _go away_! I told you the day I met her that she was clingy!"

"How was I supposed to know she'd pull something like this?" He runs a hand through his hair, sighing. "This weekend was supposed to be perfect and she's fucking it up!"

"Get rid of her!" I demand, "Please, Edward, make her leave _now_. I don't feel comfortable around her. And I sure as _hell_ don't feel comfortable having Masen see her." After the Jasper incident last week, I can only imagine how meeting daddy Edward's ex-girlfriend would go over.

It wouldn't go over well, that's for sure.

"She's harmless, a little clueless, but harmless." He insists. He's missing the point entirely.

His eyes search my unimpressed ones and he nods once. "Right. Go in and get your stuff I promise she'll be gone before you come back out. Jeeze, how do I get her to leave me alone?" I grab his arm before he makes his way over to Tanya who's bent provocatively over the trunk of her car. _Classy_.

"Tell her you're gay." I suggest. He laughs and shakes his head.

"Are you kidding? She'll try twice as hard to _un-gay_ me. Nope, that'd never work. "I'll be back. Grab your bags."

"Bag." I correct, eyeing the stack of matching pink handbags beside Tanya's mini-coupe. "This girl just needs one." I point to myself.

He laughs, "They broke the mold with you, Bean."

Leaving Edward to his own devices, I get Masen up, and together we scour the apartment for anything else we'll need up in Forks. Sweaters and boots. I think those are the only things we won't be able to live without; those and toothbrushes. I try to peek out the window, but can't see Edward or skank-ya out on the sidewalk.

I can't believe this chick. He's not interested. Get a clue.

I wonder briefly why I'm so upset about her. I chalk it up to not wanting that type of woman around my child, but in the back of my mind I know it has nothing to do with her in particular. She could be a saint and I'd still hate the thought of Edward with her.

Mase tugs on my hand and I stop my thoughts. "You ready?" I ask, holding out my hand for his Spiderman suitcase, my other hand wrenching on Puppy's leash to stop him from racing out the door.

"Momma, who was that lady downstairs? With the white hair?"

_White hair_. Hah.

"That was a friend of Daddy's." I stress the words friend, hoping he'll let it go.

"Huh." Surprisingly, that's all he says. Apparently it's okay for daddy to have a lady friend, but I can't have a… Jasper. Typical male mentality.

In the elevator, I shoot a quick text to Rose, and she assures me- _for the thousandth time_- that she will, in fact, be at the Cullen house this weekend. It makes me feel a bit better, knowing that she can act as a buffer between Esme and I should she decide to guilt me about Edward. Again.

By the time we reach the Volvo, the mini coupe, Tanya, and companioning suitcases are nowhere to be found. Edward's there though, sporting a bright red handprint on his left cheek.

Ouch.

"What the hell happened?" I ask, dropping my bags to free my hands. I gently touch his face, frowning when he winces. His skin is soft, but warm where it's red.

"Dadduh, are you okay?" Masen asks, his face and voice dripping with worry. "Did that lady hurt you?"

"I'm fine, buddy." My hand is still resting on his cheek. He doesn't push me away, and I have no desire to stop touching him. It feels good, this current that tingles in my fingertips where they meet his cheek. "Daddy deserved everything he got." He assures us.

"I find that hard to believe." I mumble, without meaning to.

"I did, Bean. I was a little… harsher than I intended to be. I just want her out of my life, you know? I feel bad, like I lead her on. I didn't mean to, and now… I just can't-" Edward opens his mouth to keep talking, but catches himself when he realizes the little ears eavesdropping in on our conversation.

"Mase, buddy, why don't you go bring Puppy over to Miss. Jenny's?" I hand him the demon dog's leash and wave him down to Jenny's. Masen's twenty year old, on-off babysitter agreed wholeheartedly to watch Pup for the weekend; why, I have _no_ idea.

We watch carefully as Masen knocks on Jenny's first floor apartment. She waves at us before dragging him inside, no doubt to feed him a cup of sugar and some cookies. He's always hopped-up on _something_ when I pick him up from her place; I'm hoping its sugar.

"So what could you possibly have said to that woman that justified _this_?" I turn back to Edward, waving at his face.

He grimaces, rubbing his cheek tenderly. "She just wouldn't get take the hint. I had to practically scream at her before she understood that we weren't going anywhere- that we were over. Had been from the start, really. We were just too different, but she refused to see it. And now…" he stops and watches me expectantly, like I'm supposed to understand something.

"Why date her in the first place if you two are so _different_?" I ask in a mocking tone, knowing he was probably in a mega-tit induced haze when he first saw her, and that's why he wanted to go out with her.

He lets out a breath. "Because she _was_ different."

"Different from you?" I ask, thoroughly confused. He isn't going through a mid-life crisis, is he? What's next, an impromptu Ferrari purchase?

"No," He shakes his head, "Different from _you_."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

My eyes narrow automatically. "What do _I_ have to do with any of this?"

"I thought that being with someone completely opposite would help me…" He pauses, letting out a breath. "Help me get through some stuff."

"Stuff?" He replies with a simple nod. "What stuff?" I prod.

Masen interrupts us at that moment, hand in hand with Jenny, jumping up and down excitedly while shaking a Ziploc bag full of chocolate chip cookies she gave him for the road. As if we couldn't see the chocolaty evidence smeared all over his face.

"Thanks, Jenny." I tell her absentmindedly, still mulling over what exactly Edward could have meant by 'stuff.' Maybe he's getting to the point in his life where he needs to settle down? Maybe that's his 'stuff,' he wants to get serious with a girl, but he doesn't know how to tell me?

"Yeah, thanks Jenny." Edward sighs, mock-glaring at her. "As if he isn't hyper enough on road trips; let's add sugar to the mix."

She blushes, "My apologies, Mr. Cullen. How many times must I remind you to call me Jen?" 'Jen' giggles.

She never asks me to call her _Jen_.

"Only if you'll call me Edward; Mr. Cullen makes me feel old." He winks and swoops down, grabbing Masen in his arms and swinging him around in a circle.

"Oh, you're not old, Edward." Jenny's voice is barely audible over Masen's laughter and squeals of delight. "Not old at all," she adds silently, watching Edward retreating ass as he bends down to strap Mase in his car seat. Silently, but not silently enough she adds, "Only six years older than me."

Un-freaking-believable.

I clear my throat, raising an eyebrow at her. "Thank you for agreeing to watch Pup for us this weekend, Jenny." I try to smile, "We'll be back to pick him up sometime Sunday."

"Of course! Have fun!" she waves- mostly in Edward's direction- before turning back to her apartment.

I jump in the passenger's seat, making sure to slam the door with more force than necessary. Edward visibly winces, starting the car, and watching me from the corner of his eye. "You know, a simple pull would do. You don't have to slam it." He seems completely unfazed by Jenny's blatant flirting, which makes me wonder just how often it happens. Not that it should matter.

But it does.

"So," I start off in an offhand tone, picking at my nails, "You and Jenny." _It shouldn't matter_.

He sputters, "What?"

"Oh, I mean _Jen_. You two seem awfully cozy."

He pulls out onto the street, eyeing me with his mouth upturned slightly. "You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking."

"No," I harness the power of my 'mom' voice. "I'm not."

He barks out a laugh, "You honestly think- me and Jenny? The _babysitter_?" He laughs harder, causing Mase to giggle along with him from the backseat, although I'm sure he doesn't know what he's laughing for. "Are you high? Or just crazy?"

"Oh, I'm crazy?" I cross my arms. "She was totally hitting on you, and you flirted right back! Right in front of Masen! In front of-" I stop my tirade before I can say anything else. Something I'd probably regret later on.

"In front of…" He prompts, nudging my thigh with his hand. "In front of who, Bean?" He knows who.

"In front of me." I shouldn't be upset; _it shouldn't matter_. I shouldn't care who he dates, or who he flirts with.

But I do._ Why do I?_

I have no idea why. Sure, we were together once. Married. Now we're not. I've already come to terms with it.

I think.

He takes his eyes off the road briefly to watch me. "Is that why you're upset? Because she's a flirt? Bella, she's like that with everyone."

"But you returned it." Suddenly my argument seems stupid and I feel like a petulant child that's just been told she couldn't have a pony.

He smiles, "That wasn't flirting, Bella."

"Yes, it was."

"No, it wasn't. Believe me, if I was flirting, you would know."

"I do know."

"Bella, stop. You're being ridiculous."

"How in the hell am I being ridiculous!" I shout, slapping my hand over my mouth the moment I do so. A quick glance over my shoulder shows Masse off in his own little world, headphones on his head and listening to whatever song Edward was playing on his IPod while munching on cookies. "How am I being ridiculous?" I ask again, quieter this time.

"Do you remember what I said earlier? How I couldn't date Tanya?"

Um…

"I mean that it would always be you. You and Mase." He glances over at me, our eyes staying locked- brown on green- until someone behind us honks their horn. "I meant that, Bella. Maybe you don't believe me, but I meant it with everything that I am."

We're silent for a beat, the only noise coming from Mase's headphones. "It's the same for me." I add quietly, "You two mean the world to me."

"Not in the way I want though." He whispers to himself, pulling onto the freeway. I'm not sure I was supposed to hear it so I stay quiet.

"I'm sorry I made you jealous, Swannie." He teases, lightening the mood. "It won't happen again. From now on, Jenny is Miss. Smith, and I am Mr. Cullen."

"I'm sorry too. I was being a bitch… and I overreacted." Still doesn't change the fact that I'm pissed. _Pissed?_ Maybe not pissed. Hurt, I think, is a better term.

"I'll say." I can't help but smile as he reaches out for my hand resting in my lap. Our fingers lace together between us, warm and soft and inviting. Familiar.

My mind wanders as I stare out the window beside me, tall buildings and steel structures phasing into green grasses and tall trees. I can't help but think about Tanya- Clearly she's delusional and clingy as hell, but why would he even ask her out? He said he did it because she was _different_ than me, but why do I matter when it comes to his personal life? Maybe he likes that kind of girl, big tits and blonde hair. That's _completely_ opposite of me, and it would make sense. He wouldn't want to remember his ex-wife every time he got busy with his girlfriends.

Holy shit, what if he slept with her? What if he met her at a bar, and they went home together; while I was sleeping just a few floors down in my apartment. No… he said it had been five months since he'd been intimate, right?

My rapidly beating heart slows to a normal pace as I remember our conversation that night at my apartment. Okay, so he probably didn't sleep with her.

Thank god.

'_I thought she would help me get through some stuff_.' His voice flows clearly through my head.

What stuff?

"What?" Edward asks, seemingly startled by something.

"What?" I squeak, almost forgetting that I was in the car with him.

"What did you say?" He asks again. I give him a confused look, "Just now; what did you say?"

I shake my head slowly. "I didn't say anything."

"Bella," He sighs, frustrated, "You just asked about 'stuff.' What do you mean?"

Oh shit. I asked him out loud? How long have I been thinking aloud? What else did he hear?

"Uh…" I stutter, not sure what to say. _Do I want to ask_; now's my chance, but do I really want to know? "Earlier… when we were talking about Tanya, you said she thought she'd help you with something."

"Oh," he blushes. Edward never blushes. "You caught that, huh?"

I'm instantly on alert, "Was I not supposed to?"

"Well, it wasn't really supposed to come out." He smiles apologetically. "Just forget it. It's just something I said by accident."

"It obviously meant something." I hint, begging him to continue. "You can't hold back on me now." We sit in silence. Well, _I_ sit in silence. Masen sings along with Foo Fighters in the back seat, and Edward focuses intently on navigating through the sudden downpour of rain. "I'll get you started. I dated Tanya because I thought she would help me…" I trail off, "Now, you fill in the blank."

"I don't want to."

Oh no, he _didn't_. "Edward, please. Just fucking tell me! It's not that big of a deal."

He shakes his head, his green eyes boring into my own, pleading with me to drop it. _Fat. Chance_. Not now that he's got me all interested and stuff.

"Please, Bean, just let it go." Everything about him in that moment; his posture, his voice, the way his hands have the steering wheel in a death grip- just screams 'drop it.' But I can't. "You won't like it. You'll be angry, and I know you're uncomfortable enough about the idea of spending the weekend in Forks; I don't want to make it worse."

My mind races; there's a thousand follow up question I want to ask, but I settle for the simplest. "Why will it upset me? Is it about me? Masen?"

"It's about… us, I guess."

"Us?"

"Yes, Bella, us." He grumbles, clearly frustrated with me. "I was… Fuck." He pulls off to the side of the highway, shutting off the car. His hands slam down heavily on the steering wheel, his head following.

I jump, surprised at the sudden action. "Edward?" I glance in the back of the car. Masen looks curious, but not curious enough to turn off his music and ask.

"I was trying to get over _you_." He turns his head to the side, watching me with a cautious look. "I thought that dating someone new would make me see that… you weren't right for me- that I was just stuck in the past. That my feelings for you were just left over from a failed marriage."

Wow. Not what I expected. At all.

I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. What is he saying? That still feels… _something_ for me? How strong of a something?

"Did it work?" I ask quietly after awhile.

He looks down, sheepish, and shakes his head. "No. No it didn't. Had the opposite effect, if I'm being honest."

"W-what does that mean?"

"It means," he lets out a deep breath, his eyes flickering around the car landing everywhere but on me. "It means that all this time… all this time I thought I was moving on… I was just deluding myself. I forced myself to feel nothing for you. Because that's what's right."

"Edward-"

"And then Rose said… at Ben's party, she practically _told_ us we should have never divorced. And it got me thinking- why did we?"

My eyes close and I lean back in my seat. "You know why."

"Did you not love me anymore?" his voice is barely above a whisper. "I know I was never around but… is that part of it? That you stopped feeling things for me?

"Edward- you _know_ that's not it! I loved you more than… anything. Everything!" I whisper, my eyes shooting open and locking on his, begging him to understand. "But it takes two, Edward, and you weren't pitching in. I was alone _all_ the time. I was practically raising Mase on my own-"

"I tried, Bella-"

"I _know_ you did. But it wasn't enough."

"What about now; would it be enough? We're older. Smarter. More mature. What about _now_?"

"What _about_ now, Edward?"

"I loved you so much back then Bean, but like it or not I was married to work. I didn't _have_ a choice. But I do now. And what I felt for you then- it's nothing compared to what I feel-"

"Stop!" I all but yell, throwing my hand against his arm. "Please, just stop."

"You deserve to know how I feel-"

"I don't want to know. I don't want you to tell me! I've spent the greater part of two years mending a shattered heart! Don't break it again." I'm yelling, I know I'm yelling but I can't stop.

He ignores me, "You need to understand that we have options! We can try again-"

"We can't!" I plead, tears forming in my eyes, "Please, Edward; enough!"

"I can't stop what I feel. I refuse." He tells me with an air of finality. He starts up the car once more, the engine purring to life underneath our seats. "And I'll do whatever it takes to make you see that you feel the same."

I don't bother denying him- to say I was indifferent to him would be a complete and total lie. Because I _do_ care. I care a lot. Maybe more than a woman should care about her ex-husband. But Edward is so much more to me than an ex-husband. He's a friend; the father of my child. The first- _and only_- man I've ever loved.

That kind of connection with _anyone_ is almost impossible to sever. But I can't go down that road again. I don't ever want to feel alone like I did before I left him. I was starting to resent him in our marriage and I _never_ want to resent Edward.

I spend the next hour or so with my eyes closed and my head leaned back against the seat, trying to ignore Edward's presence entirely and mull over exactly what he's said, and how I feel about it.

My immediate reaction was anger- how could he just spring this on me? Does he not care that- in just two minutes- he's managed to mutilate every protective barrier I've spent two years constructing around my heart against him? Did he even bother to think about how I would feel about learning that he still… _feels_ for me?

My rational side kicked in not long after, and reminded me that I _did_ beg him to tell me.

If I had known this shit storm was coming, I would've kept my mouth shut.

My second reaction was to mourn; for the first time in… a long time, I let myself remember the day I left. How scared and alone I felt when he didn't fight for me. How upset I was at myself for being too much of a coward to beg him to talk to me, and work things out.

I shed a few tears at that point. Edward, visibly just as distressed as I was, reached out for my hand, not allowing me the option of pulling away.

Which leads us to now. Edward and I, holding hands, being so close to each other in the narrow car; and yet further away than ever before.

Now? Now all I feel is remorse. Remorse for not letting him explain himself. Remorse for not hearing him out back then and right now.

Amid my cluster-fuck of emotions and haywire thoughts, lies a notion. A notion hidden deep; so deep in my heart, that I'm not sure what to make of it. But it's there nonetheless; the niggling feeling of happiness that Edward's words have brought on.

The idea that, maybe Edward loving me isn't _that_ terrible of a thing after all.

* * *

**Sooo, a bit of a rocky chapter!**

**Don't hate me for Tanya, guys, we all knew she had to make another appearance before she disappears for good lol**

**Drop me a line before ya' head out!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for all the reviews last chapter, I love hearing what you guys think! I tried to reply to them all, but if I missed a few I do apologize.**

**I just want to let you guys know that my updates may come less often than usual, with the fall semester about to start, it'll be more difficult for me to update as often. I'm thinking I may start posting new chapters twice a week instead of every other day.**

**Okay, proceed!**

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

Edward sighs for the thousandth time. "No, Mase. Not yet."

"How much longer, mama?"

"Mommy already told you, a half hour." Edward answers for me. As annoying as out little man's being, I silently thank the heavens for the loud crack of thunder that woke Masen from his nap. At least now it's not Edward and I, sitting in deathly silence, glancing at each other awkwardly out of the corner of our eyes.

"But that was hours ago!" Masen whines, his bottom lip jutting out.

"Actually," I turn around in my seat to face him, "It was two minutes ago." Sticking my tongue out, I grab his half-empty bag of cookies and begin munching on them; if nothing more than to pass the time.

He shrieks as though I've just committed a crime and points an accusing finger at me, "Daduh! Momma's eatin' my cookies!"

"Eatin_g_, Masen. There's a 'g' in that word." Edward reminds him sternly. I can tell he's just barely holding on to his sanity, and I thank god we're almost in Forks. _Never thought I'd say that again_.

Masen, realizing his cookies would be gone in a matter of seconds at the rate I was going, decides to let it go, glaring out the window with his arms crossed.

"I'm sorry, Bean." Edward's voice surprises me, although it shouldn't have. I could tell he's wanted to say something since back at mile marker seventy eight.

"For what?" I ask, already having a pretty good idea about what he's referring to.

"For what I said earlier. It was out of line. _Way_ out of line. Especially on the way to my parents' place with," He nods his head toward the backseat, "him back there."

"The timing was crap, I'll give you that. But… I think its good you told me. I'm _glad_ you told me. I don't want us to have secrets." I admit.

"Neither do I; but I think this was something better kept up here." He taps his forehead. "At least for the time being."

"I'm not upset, Edward. I was, but not anymore." I munch down the last cookie and crumple up the bag.

"I can tell. I thought for sure you were gonna deck me at one point about an hour ago." He chuckles, rubbing his forehead.

I almost did, but I don't tell him that. "I think that, if you are _truly_ having these feelings, we should talk it out. Not now, obviously. But when we get back home." I should stop there, but I don't. "Maybe… maybe we're _too_ close?" I hesitate, "Maybe that's why you think you feel the way you do." I tell him, screening my words so as to not rouse suspicion in the angry five year old in the back.

"I know what I feel." Is all he says with finality in his tone, slowing down near the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. "Here we are buddy," Edward smiles as he speaks up, tapping Masen's leg. "Five minutes and we'll be at gammy and grandpa's." Masen squeals, clapping and whooping it up in the backseat. "You ready for this?" he directs at me.

"Ready as ever, I suppose. Rose texted me awhile ago- they're running a few hours late."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah; Em got held up at work."

He nods, grumbling something I don't quite catch. "Listen, uh… I don't think I ever thanked you for this- coming with me this weekend. I know it can't be the most comfortable situation for you, and yet here you are. So thanks, uh, for that."

_Is he nervous?_

"I know I probably made it worse, telling you… what I did. I just wanted you to know that I never meant to do that. Make you more uncomfortable, that is."

I let out a puff of air. "Let's just put the past few hours behind us, okay? At least until the weekend's over."

"Deal. I must admit, I'm a bit relieved to have it out there in the open." He nods his head, patting my knee. He leaves his hand on my leg and I make no move to shove it off. In fact, I rather enjoy the feeling of his heave, warm hand on my jean clad thigh.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bean?"

"Talking about it _isn't_ considered putting it behind us." I remind him smartly.

He blushes, smiling despite himself. "Sorry. No more, I promise."

"Is that grammy's house?" Masen yells, pointing to the first white house we've seen since entering Forks.

"No, baby." I tell him, rolling my eyes. He _knows_ it's not. "Five minutes."

"You said 'five minutes' _years_ ago!" he whines, throwing his head back against his car-seat.

"For the record," I whisper to Edward, my eyes boring into the side of his head. "I'm glad you told me. Just give me time to think, okay? Then I'll be able to talk about it."

He grins, momentarily taking his eyes off the slippery road to wink at me. "I thought we were dropping it?"

"We were," I settle back into my seat, "You know I always have to get the last word, though."

"Ain't that the truth." He laughs, the tension leaving his body almost immediately.

"It's '_isn't'_, daddy. I get yelled at when I say 'ain't.' You have to say '_isn't'_." Edward ignores him, laughing silently at the matter-of-fact tone and sheer satisfaction radiating off of our boy. He just _loves_ to correct us.

"Is that Gammy and Grandpa's house?" Mase points to a beat up red-barn looking building with a plastic statue of a cow displayed proudly on the front lawn. "If it is, do you think they would let me take the moo-moo cow home? We could put it on our balcony, mamma!"

_Not happening._

"Hon, you know that isn't their house."

"I know," he sighs, "I wisht is, though. Then I could have the moo-moo."

Edward nudges me mouthing 'Christmas-gift,' with an impish grin set on his lips.

"Don't you dare, Cullen. I know where you live."

"Ooh, sca-ry." His voice cracks from the force of my fist landing on his bicep.

"Is that Gammy's house?" Masen asks again. At this point, I'm not above taping his mouth shut.

"No, it's not." I grumble, not even bothering to look.

"Silly, momma!" He laughs, "Yes it _is_."

Well, fuck me. Either my memories failing me, or the Cullen's moved, because this monstrosity of a mansion was _not_ where Edward grew up. "Dayum." I whistle, my eyes darting from the clean white modern house to the green grass and beautiful gardens surrounding it. "Since when did Esme become the Queen of Forks?"

Edward smiles, shutting off the Volvo. "They moved up here last year; I thought I told you?"

"I think I would've remembered, Edward." I lie, knowing full well he probably did tell me. I can never seem to remember the little details. "It's beautiful."

"Well," he shrugs, "With mom retired, Dad wanted to make sure she didn't get bored. Thus the gardens."

"I didn't know you could grow flowers in Forks." I tease, reveling in all the beautiful colors and diversity of the plants.

"Grammy!" Masen squeals, throwing open the door and racing through the rain to the beautifully aged woman standing on the porch. "Grammy, grammy!" Esme is truly the epitome of beauty; not only due to her natural young-looks and hair any fifty-year old woman would kill for; but also for who she is as a person. She's always been a passionate woman, I knew that from the first time I met her, but it seems to have only grown over the years, with her being a part of multiple charities and starting up Forks' first women's shelter.

I didn't realize until this moment, sitting in the driveway watching the woman I once considered a mother embrace my son, how much I truly missed her.

"She missed you too." Edward whispers, although I don't know why. We're alone in the car; he doesn't have to worry about Masen hearing anything he says.

"Am I that obvious?" I know by his silence that the answer is yes.

"She still hasn't stopped apologizing to me for the last time you were here. She hates herself for pressuring you, and making you feel uncomfortable."

"I know. It wasn't just her though… It was me mostly. I just- I don't know I guess I just felt weird still acting like she was a mother to me when we had just divorced."

He leans across the center console, his eyes locked on mine, and places a feathery kiss just below my cheek-bone. "She loves you, no matter what happens between us. That'll always be true. Thank you for giving her another chance." He's out the door, running back to the trunk of the car before I can respond.

I use my moment of solitude- probably the only one I'll be getting for the next two days- to collect my thoughts and mentally prepare myself for what's to come. Sure, Esme and I ended things on the wrong foot last time, but we've spoken over the phone since then, and I'd like to think that we're passed all of it. _That she forgives me for being a monumental bitch_.

A knock on the window next to my head startles me, and my eyes shoot open. I wasn't aware I had them closed. I pull up on the lock, swinging the door open to face Edward. He's holding an umbrella over my side of the car, a concerned look etched in his face.

I don't like it. Edward should always be smiling his sweet, crooked grin. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I respond, maybe just a bit too brightly. "No time like the present, right?" He nods, taking my hand to help me out. I thank him, knowing full well my legs aren't quite up to par after four hours of sitting in the car.

"Bella, dear, is that you?" Esme's familiar sweet voice floats down the driveway, bringing years upon years of memories with it.

"Who else would it be, mom?" Edward jokes, resting his hand along the base of my spine. She either doesn't hear him, or decides not to comment as she races down the steps- and into the rain- toward us. "Mom, you're getting soaked!" Edward whines, tugging her under the too-small umbrella.

"You look so beautiful," She tells me wistfully, pulling me in for a comforting hug. The kind of hug only mothers can give; and only daughters understand. The kind of hug that makes you question why, exactly, it's been a year since receiving the last one. "So beautiful."

I pull back just long enough to stare at her apologetically with tears in my eyes, "Esme I-"

"Hush," she chastises with a knowing look in her bright green eyes. "What's done is done."

"I never got the chance to apologize face to face. I'm so sorry, I never-"

"Bella, dear, shut up. Please." She raises an eyebrow giving me a look; the same look I give Mase whenever he forgets to put his underwear in the dirty-clothes bin.

Esme still has her fire.

"Now, let's get out of this storm." She watches the rain drip down off the umbrella with disdain. "As much as I love Forks, this weather just _kills_ me sometimes." With that, she links her arm through mine and grabs the umbrella from Edward, leaving him standing in the downpour. "Can you manage the bags, Edward, or would you like me to get Carlisle?" She giggles. _God I missed this woman_.

He rolls his eyes, obviously used to his mothers' antics. "You'll be sorry when I have the flu tomorrow."

"And where _is_ Carlisle?" I prompt, missing papa bear as well.

She sighs, a dissatisfied grumble sprouting from her lips, "The hospital managed to rope him in until seven tonight, even though he's been planning to take today off for weeks. He'll be home soon, though. It wouldn't surprise me if he snuck out early; he's missed you three so much." She glances at me from the corner of her eye. "We both have."

"I know." I nod sheepishly. "I've missed you both as well."

"No more fighting." She promises. "No more talk of marriage, or divorce. I was out of line on your last visit; I realize that now. It's just," she lets out a breath. "It's just hard for me… to see you two like this."

"You just have to remind yourself to see beyond the divorce, Es. We're happy now- more so that we were when we were together. We're still a family; just a bit unconventional." I tell her honestly, though Edward's words from earlier sneak in my mind. _What I felt for you then- it's nothing compared to what I feel now_. That's what he said. Apparently he's not as happy as I thought with our current arrangements.

_Nothing compared to what I feel now_.

"You'll _always_ be family, Isabella Marie Swan, and don't you forget it." She says with conviction, interrupting my thoughts. Taking the umbrella from her, I shake it off and lean it by the rich mahogany door. Looks expensive- in fact, everything about this house looks expensive.

"Carlisle's overtime must be paying well." I comment, following her into the foyer.

She smiles gratefully, if not a bit humbly. "My husband loves to spoil me."

"It's a beautiful place." I tell her honestly, too distracted by the rich brown and cream décor of the living room just beyond the entry to say much else. The whole back wall of the house is covered in floor to ceiling windows looking out into the lush green Fork's forest. "So beautiful."

"Those windows are what sold us on this house." She comments, following my line of vision. "It's not much when it's storming this bad, but when it's clear out… the view is just breathtaking; like a fairytale."

Off in the distance, we hear a loud crashing sound- the sound of glass hitting the tile- and both our heads shoot up, the trance the forest held on us broken. "What was that?" I ask stupidly- like she knows what it was. "Masen?"

"Masen, honey!" Esme calls out, frantically running toward what appears to be the kitchen- if the stainless steel appliances are any indication. "Oh, Masen." She sighs, stopping and staring at my little boy. My little boy who's sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by broken glass with tears marring his green little eyes, streaking down his face.

"I'm sorry, gramma," he cries, running into my arms. "I didn't mean to!"

My heart nearly stops while I run my fingers along his face to check for scratches and he holds me tight, sniffling. "Are you alright?" I ask him softly, not finding any boo-boos. Thank god. My heart slows to its normal pace. He nods, peaking out at Esme from the crook of my neck. "What happened, Mase?"

He holds onto me tighter, shaking like a leaf. "I was trying to put up my picture on the fridgerator, but I fell and knocked that over." He points to the remnants of what looks like a very nice- _very expensive_- green glass vase. "It was an accident, momma, I pwomise!" He pleads, wiping his runny nose on my sweater, a new round of tears on their way. Unfazed by being used as a human Kleenex, I kiss his forehead and ask him to go find Edward; I'll talk to him about it later. "Sowry Gramma." He whispers just before running out of the kitchen, not waiting for a response.

"Poor baby." She shakes her head, grabbing a broom. "I hope he doesn't think I'm angry at him."

"I'm so sorry about this, Es. I'll buy you a new one-" I cringe internally just imagining how much this is going to cost me.

"Nonsense, Bella. Remind me to thank him later." She winks, handing me a dust-pan. "Will you scoop it up? My back's just not as lenient as it used to be."

"What do you mean _thank_ him?" I wonder aloud, holding the pan as she brushes the glass shard into it. "Es, this must have cost-"

"A small fortune?" She rolls her eyes. "Tell me about it. It was a gift- nothing I'd buy for myself."

My brows furrow, "And you… didn't like it?"

"It's not that I didn't like the gift, per se… I just cannot _stand_ the woman who gave it to us. You know me; I'm not one to judge anyone before I know them-"

"Who?"

"Leanne Martis across the street." Her eyes narrow. "She's hit on my husband just one too many times for my liking." Giggling she adds, "I was just waiting for the opportune moment for this vase to have an _unfortunate_ accident."

I can't help but join in on her laughter; how could I not? "I think you should be sure to tell Masen that. It'd cheer him up a bit."

"I'm just sorry this happened." She frowns, a concerned look etched on her face, "He's not hurt? You're sure?" I nod. "I should've known better than to keep glass where he could reach it."

"Really, Esme, don't worry about it. He's fine. Just a little shaken up, I think."

"What is this?" She asks, picking Masen's drawing up off the floor. "Oh, isn't this precious?" I watch, a tad bit smugly, as her eyes begin to tear up at the sheer genius of her grandson. See? I'm not the only one who thinks it's great. "Please, tell me I can keep this. Please Bella?" Her watery eyes meet mine as she clutches the drawing to her chest.

"Sorry, Es. His teacher need sit back by Monday for open house." I dump the shards in the trash and face her.

"Well," she frowns, reluctantly passing it over to me. "Make sure I get a photocopy."

"Absolutely." I promise, nodding my head.

"What happened?" Edward interrupts, his bronze hair dripping, stuck to his head, his green eyes wide and searching. "Is Mase alright?"

"He's fine, just had a little accident." I tell him, grabbing a kitchen towel to wipe him off a bit.

"An _unfortunate_ accident." Esme adds devilishly, smirking in my direction. I bark out a laugh, rubbing the towel through his hair gently. "Where is he? I want to make sure he's not too upset."

Edward points behind him to the living room, his eyes falling shut, an easy expression washing over him. "That feels nice."

"Yeah?" I breathe out, wiping his face and neck.

"Mmhm."

"I'm sorry you got all wet."

"Mmhm." He nods, leaning back against the counter, still not opening his eyes. "The things I do for you, woman." He smirks, one eyelid lifting half-way, just enough to tease me with a strip of dark green before shutting again.

"Aren't I the lucky one." I tease back, wringing out the towel over the sink.

His hand rests on my waist. "Why'd you stop?"

"Go change into something dry." I order, refusing to acknowledge the fact that there's barely two inches between my back and his front. "I don't want you getting sick."

He ignores me, rubbing the skin where my thermal shirt has risen up. Again, I make no move to shove him off; I like the way his skin feels on mine. "So… you and mom seem to be getting along."

"We are. It's nice." The towel has long since been wrung out, but that doesn't stop me from twisting it further. _Nervous habit_. Why, am I nervous? Because I can't stop thinking about the car ride here. And the fact that we're practically touching in a more-than- friends manner.

_I'll do whatever it takes to make you see that you feel the same_. That's what he said, isn't it? Or something to that effect_. And what I felt for you then- it's nothing compared to what I feel for you now_.

It's nothing compared to what I feel for you now. It's nothing compared to what I feel for you now. It's nothing compared to what I feel for you now. The words run in a seemingly never-ending loop through my brain.

"Are you trying to kill the towel?" Edward whispers, taking it from my hands and laying it over the faucet.

"Not kill." I shake my head to clear my thoughts. Friends. We're just friends. At least until we can talk about… whatever this is. _After_ we leave Esme's. "Just maim."

"Just maim." He chuckles, his head bobbing.

"I need to go check on Mase." I blurt, after a beat of silence. "And you need to go change before you freeze to death."

"Hey," he grabs my arm gently, stopping me before I'm two steps away from him. "I don't know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, but you need to stop over-thinking."

I sigh, "I do that a lot, don't I?"

"What, over-think?" I nod. He laughs, "Yes that _is_ your forte it seems." He starts laughing harder. "Remember when we were picking paint for Masen's room? You had a whole cart full of little paint samples." He's full on belly-laughing now. "The guy who rung us up looked at you like you were psycho."

I'm not amused.

"Need I remind you of the time we were in the market for a new TV?" I retort, cocking an eyebrow. Talk about over thinking. "Maybe this one," I mock him in a deep voice. He stops laughing. "It's three-D capable. No, wait," I gasp, throwing a hand over my chest. "But _this_ one has a DVD player built _in_." It took him three months to find the 'perfect' TV. Which turned out to be the same model we had before ours broke.

"Bella, I think TV's are just a tad more important than paint colors." He shakes his head. "I mean, how many different shades of blue can there possibly be?"

"A fucking ton." I shoot back, crossing my arms. He shoots me the stink eye and stalks out, knowing that he'll lose this argument one way or another. Because he always does.

It takes me a few minutes to realize that he had effectively fulfilled his purpose- I stopped thinking about us.

* * *

**Awww Edward can be so cute sometimes! What do you guys think about Esme?**

**Drop me a lie before ya' go(:**


	11. Chapter 11

**Happy Friday everyone! Whoop! Hope you all have wonderful plans for the weekend.**

* * *

"This is so wonderful." Esme sighs, leaning against the door frame. "I just love having the family all together for once." Rose and I join her, watching our guys tossing an old football back and forth with Masen in the Cullen's giant backyard. The rain had let up, not completely stopping, but just enough to where I would allow Mase outside with a heavy jacket and rain boots.

"Soon they'll have a little girl running around at their feet." Rose beams, running a hand over her protruding stomach.

"How long, now?" Esme wonders aloud, her hand joining Rose's. Not wanting to be left out, I place my own hand on her giant belly, feeling a little kick under my palm.

"A little over a month." Her grin widens. "We can't wait. I just… I want her to be here _so_ bad. I want to hold her in my arms, you know?" A particularly hard kick comes and Rose winces. "And I'm a little tired of being a human punching bag."

"You're gonna be _so_ loved, little kicker." I giggle, feeling another punch.

"Fuck, stop hitting mommy, baby girl. It's not nice." She flops down into a chair, rubbing her forehead. "I don't remember, was Mase like this with you?"

"My boy was a little angel in the womb. An occasional tap, just to let us know he was there." I smile smugly and flutter my eyelashes as she grabs the nearest object to throw at me. It's a spoon. A _wooden_ spoon. That hits its mark on my forehead.

Bitch.

"We have a code red." Edward shouts, his voice muffled through the sliding glass door. He throws open the glass door with one hand, holding Mase with the other, and hardly spares us a glance as he races through the kitchen leaving dirty mud-prints on the tile. Mase is in his arms clutching his hand, giggling through his tears. "Code red!" Edward shouts again, disappearing down the hall as quick as he appeared.

"He is one strange man." Rose comments, shaking her head at the muddy footprints that continue on trough the kitchen and onto Esme's cream colored carpet.

"Edward!" Esme shouts, eyeing the spots. "I swear if he wasn't my son I would smack that boy so hard."

"Code red!" Edward's voice is distant, coming from the bathroom.

"Es, I'll clean this up." I motion to the carpet. _Thanks Edward_.

"Nonsense, you go check on your boys." She grins. "Take this, though, and give him a good whacking." She throws me a spatula. I take it gladly.

"Code red!" Edward yells for the thousandth time; Masen giggles loudly.

I push open the half-shut door and take in the scene around me. "What is going on in here?"

"Code red, mamma." Masen sniffles, holding up his palm. "I falled down." He fidgets on the counter as Edward rubs his miniscule cut under the water.

Edward winks and I laugh, searching around in the cabinets for a Band-Aid. Finding two boxes I hold them up, "Superman or Captain America." I cock an eyebrow, already knowing the answer.

"What do you think, momma?" Masen does his best to roll his eyes like a brat, but ends up blinking before his three-sixty is complete.

"Superman?" I snicker.

"No!" He shouts, crossing his arm. "Only Captain America can heal a code red."

"Yeah, Bean. Everyone knows that." Edward adds. It's then that I remember the spatula in my hand. I don't hesitate to use it.

"Ow! Bella, what the fuck?" he clutches the back of his head.

"Dadduh said a bad word!" Masen squeals.

"That was from Esme." I tell him, "She's not too happy about the size eleven footprints on her freshly cleaned carpet."

"Jesus Christ. Did you have to use so much force?"

Wimp. I barely hit him.

He just shakes his head when I tell him as much. "Bean, I don't think you realize how strong you are."

"Take it like a man." I grumble, ruffling his hair. His unbelievably _sexy_ soft hair.

"Dadduh, it's still bleeding!" Masen cries, picking at his cut.

"Buddy, that's what happens when you poke at it. Stop touching it." Edward sighs, washing it off again.

"Here," I peel off the sticky on the bandage and stick it over his boo-boo. "You all better?"

"Uh-huh."

"Why don't you stay inside now? It's getting colder out." I suggest, unzipping his damp jacket.

"Okay, momma." He squirms until I lift him up off the counter. The minute his feet hit the floor, he's racing off down toward the kitchen yelling about how he 'almost died' and was in a 'code red _sitiation_.'

"Code red? Were the theatrics really necessary?" I cross my arms, leaning against the doorframe and watch Doctor Cullen cleaning up after his patient. I have to admit, seeing him act all doctor-y does stuff to my womanly bits.

He shrugs, like it's no big deal. "He stopped crying, didn't he?"

"You're kind of amazing you know that?" It's what I was thinking, watching him. I didn't mean to say it. I _really didn't_ mean to say it, but it just came out.

He smiles. "I could say the same about you."

"I'm serious. You'd do anything for him… I can't even begin to tell you how…"

"I know." He leans against the sink opposite me, mirroring my position. "I feel the same way when I watch you interact with him. Melts my heart, it does."

"Okay, Yoda." I snort. "Now come on." I tug on his sleeve. "We have a code _mud_ to clean up."

How come no one's ever told me how _hard_ it is to get mud out of white carpet? I've been on my hands and knees scrubbing the same spot for the past ten minutes. Edward's not much help- all he's been doing is smearing everything around.

"This fucking sucks." He breathes out, thumping down on his back.

"Hey, hey! Get scrubbing." I throw a rag at him.

"Bella-" he curls into a little ball facing me, using his whiny voice.

It's adorable, but I don't intend to let him know I think that. "This is your mess."

"But, Bean," He drawls out. "I'm tired." Oh for the love of god! He's a six foot, hundred and eighty pound baby.

"Just scrub, Edward. Please, before I have to kill you."

We work in silence, him no doubt sensing my non-playful mood.

"So Emmett and I were talking." He says quietly, conscious of the faint voices coming from the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He trails off, eyeing me. "He's nervous… about the baby."

I stop working for a moment, watching the muscles in his arm flex as he wipes the floor. "What do you mean? He always seems so excited…"

"Oh, no don't worry, he is excited. Very excited." He sits up on his knees, "Don't get me wrong, he's over the moon. He's just… afraid."

We sit back in silence, thinking. "Did he say _why _he was afraid?"

He grimaces, hesitating. "Because of us."

"Us?" I ask in surprise.

"Us. He worries that the baby will change how he and Rose act around each other. I mean, we aren't the best models." He chuckles, though I can tell it's forced.

"He's afraid they'll divorce?" I ask, shocked.

"Not divorce… just…" He sighs, running a hand through his hair. What I wouldn't give to be that hand in this moment. "You know how they are. They're very passionate people. He's afraid that'll change. That they'll be tired all the time, and won't have their private moments anymore." He trails off.

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing, really. I didn't know what to say." He hunches over and continues cleaning. "I just told him not to worry- that his daughter will be the best thing that's ever happened to him. Just like Masen."

"Ain't that the truth." I nod, knowing that Masen became the bright spot in my life the minute he wrapped his little hand around my pinkie finger.

"I remember feeling like that. Scared… nervous."

"We both were." I admit.

Another moment of silence. "This is killing me." He whispers.

"What is?" I ask, absentmindedly, scrubbing and scraping. I feel his eyes no me, but don't dare look back. "Hard labor?" I joke.

His tone is the complete opposite of mine. "You. Me. Having you right there, so close, but never close enough."

_I thought we were done talking about this for now! _"Edward-"

"I know we agreed not to breathe another word about this until after this weekend, but I can't help it. I feel like every moment I don't say something, is just another moment someone can come and sweep you away from me. Like Jake." He adds, the displeasure clear in his voice.

My hand stills and I drop my rag, letting out a deep breath. His eyes are boring into mine when I finally do turn back to look at him. He's watching me intently, a thousand and one emotions burning in his eyes. It's almost as if… he's waiting for me. To leave, to agree, to slap him… I don't know which. But he's waiting for something.

"I just don't understand why _now_."

"Why now, what?"

"Why are you doing this now? Why not last month? Or the month before that? Or last year? Or the day I left? What changed that made you want this _now?_" my voice is barely above a whisper- It's a wonder he can ever hear me.

"There are so many reasons why _now_. You're dating again." He tells me, in a slightly accusatory tone.

_Jake_. "I went on _one_ date. That's hardly considered dating." I defend. "And that's not an excuse. You want me again just because you don't want anyone else to have me?" I tilt my head, daring him to let that be the reason.

"Yes, Bella. That's one of my reasons. I'm a selfish fucker, I'll admit it. I took you for granted, figured- hey you'll always be there. Until I started thinking that maybe you wouldn't be. You're the perfect woman, Bella. You're beautiful, you're smart, and you're funny. You're cute as shit, even when you're making a complete ass of yourself. Of course someone's going to claim you- who in their right mind wouldn't? I don't know how I didn't see that before. I mean of course I saw it I just… I didn't realize how good I had it until I thought about not having it. You. His admission shocks me. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but that sure wasn't it.

Fuck, I need time to analyze. "Why else?"

"Because I've started dating again too. And no matter how many girls I meet, they never compare to you. Because I do that. I compare _everyone_ to you, and I've finally got it through my thick-ass skull that no one will ever measure up."

"Why-"

"Why else?" He finishes for me. "Because I was going through my closet the other day, trying to get rid of some old shit. Did you know I kept a shoebox full of stuff from our past? Our ticket stubs from the first move we saw together. The bracelets we made with your little neighbor that one time you babysat her. All the notes we passed during Biology. Pictures- hundreds of pictures of the two of us."

"Edward-"

"And I cried. I sobbed like a fucking baby, because in all those pictures we were laughing, and smiling. And I realized I had never been as happy as I was when we were together." He chuckles, rubbing a stray tear away from his eyes. "Our wedding pictures were in there too. And we still looked so happy." His shoulders slump in defeat. "What happened to us?"

By now, I'm sniffling like there's no tomorrow, and he's got his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. "What happened to us?" He repeats, his voice thick in longing; in confusion.

_Life happened_. I think it, but I don't say it.

"I'm sorry, Bean. I'm so fucking sorry." He whispers, crawling over to me. His arms wrap around my waist while mine go around his neck. And we sit. We sit, curled up in each other for what seems like hours, just rocking back and forth while he whispers how sorry he is- how he wishes he could change it all. Fight for me; for us.

_I'm sorry too. It's not all your fault_. Again, I think it but I don't say it. To be quite frank I don't know if he would even be able to understand me if I said it at this point. I'd probably just sound like Chewbacca from Star Wars.

"I don't want to lose you. Ever, Bella. I lost you once, I can't do it again. I won't survive it again."

I take a deep breath to calm myself. "You're not losing me, Edward."

"I love you so much, Bean." He pulls back to look me in the eye. I try so hard, but I can't stop the fresh onslaught of tears. "I love you so much, and I know I shouldn't say it. You aren't ready, and I'm sorry. But I need to get it out. I need you to know that you have me, in any way you need me. But I won't play defense anymore. I love you, I need you, and I'm going to fight for you. Like I should have done two years ago."

"Edward," I cry, reaching out to touch his face. His hand closes over mine against his cheek. We stare into each other's eyes, trying to memorize this moment. He's so beautiful. And not just on the outside; material looks. No, he's beautiful inside too, even more so.

And I walked away. Two years ago I walked away from the love of my life. Granted, it wasn't just me. Edward went along with it.

We made a mistake. A big, fat mistake.

I run my hand across his cheek. I've never seen him look so… lost. Broken. But he is. Lost and broken. That's as clear as day, given away by the subtle droop of his mouth, the lack of shine in his eyes. The warmth and… love radiating out from every square inch of him.

He said it.

He loves me. _But I won't play defense anymore_. He's going to fight for me. What does that even mean?

He loves me.

"Say something. Please." He begs, clasping my hands in his.

"I don't know what to say." I whisper, vaguely registering Emmett's booming laugh from somewhere in the kitchen. _He loves me_. But we're not alone here. We're in his parents' house surrounded by his family. Our family. Our five year old son. This isn't the time or the place to be discussing this. "We can't do this, Edward. Not now. Not here."

I try to pull away from him but he holds me steady, his hands reaching up to hold my head in place right in front of his. So close I can feel his warm breath wash across my parted lips. "Why not now?" he whispers, staring intensely at me for my answer. "Why not here?" One of his hands drops from my face to rest on the small of my back. "It's be fitting, don't you think? Forks is where it all began… you and me. It'd be right for it to start here again." His thumb traces down the side of my face with a feather-light touch. "I want it to start here again."

"I don't think…" I trail off shaking my head, having absolutely no idea what to say.

"Just tell me one thing, Bella. Could you ever love me again?"

Could I see myself loving this man again? My high school sweetheart; the father of the most important little man in my life. The man who's loved me at my absolute best and absolute worst. The man whose perfect lips are slowly turning down every second he waits in silence for my answer. An answer I don't know how to give.

His question; it's a trick question really. Because I don't know I ever _stopped_ loving this man.

"I'm terrified, Edward." How long was I lost in thought? "I'm terrified because when I close my eyes I can see us together. It's so _easy_ to see… you and me and Mase." I close my eyes, and I truly can picture it. "I can see it and I want it so bad!" I hiss, "But what if it doesn't work out that way?"

"What if it does?" He stops me and pushes a strand of unruly hair out of my face. "I can see it too, Bean. And let me tell you, I really like what I see." I look up from my lap to see him smiling, and I can't help but smile too. I bump his shoulder with mine and sigh. "The way it was always supposed to be."

I sigh, "I just can't help but remember how alone I felt when Mase was little and you were gone all the time. I don't ever want to feel like that again."

"I can't promise that I'll never be gone. Sometimes… I'm on call and I have to leave at two in the morning for a surgery. Sometimes I work fifteen hour shifts and don't make it home until midnight. But I can promise you that it'll be _nothing_ like before. No more Residency Bean, I'm done with all that. It's you and me and Mase, not me and my job."

"God Edward, you were _never_ there." I cry

"I know. I know I wasn't, but you have to understand that it wasn't by choice. I literally had _no_ choice. You think I wanted to be hanging around a bunch of old men instead of home with the girl I loved and my newborn? I didn't _have_ a choice." I can see his temper rising, and the last thing I want to do is fight. Or make him think that I blame him.

Because I don't blame him, not really. At least; not anymore.

"I know it's not your fault." I assure him with a hand through his hair. _God I love his hair_. "I never blamed you.." he shoots me an incredulous look. "Okay," I relent, "I used to blame you. But I was just so frustrated and angry and stupid. I understand though, you know? At least now I do. It was your job; something you had to do. Something you worked your whole life for."

We sit in silence again, holding hands and just thinking. Our time together really was the best years of my life. Sometimes I would just watch him and wonder if everything was a dream; it was just too good to be true. We had our fights sure, but they were few and far between and really didn't feel like fights because our make-up sex was always so good.

I really miss the make-up sex.

"You never answered me." His voice is soft and his eyes are pensive as they roam my face. I wonder how long he's been watching me. "Can you? Love me again? Give me another chance, let me prove we can work this time."

"Edward," I sigh, maybe I'll regret this later tonight when I'm lying in Esme's guest bedroom and replaying the evening through my mind. Maybe I'll regret what I'm about to say, but looking at Edward now, I don't see how I could. "Yes, Edward."

Maybe, just maybe, I never stopped.

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**Soooooo... *hides behind laptop* kind of a rocky chapter here, lots of stuff going on. What do you think?**

**Thanks for all the reviews last chapter, keep them coming! I love hearing what you guys have to say.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Back with a new chapter! It is a bit short this time and I apologize for that, next weeks will be longer, I promise(;**

**Thank you all for reviewing last chapter! Ya'll seem excited to hear Bella's finally coming to her senses!**

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"Well, can I go?" Masen asks sweetly, batting his eyes and hugging my jean-clad leg. "Pwease?" _Jeeze, he's pulling out all the stops this morning, isn't he._

"I don't know baby, it's so cold outside." I glare out the window at the cloudy grey skies and near freezing weather.

"He'll be fine, Bean. We'll bundle him up and won't let him anywhere near the water." Edward assures me, kissing the top of my head lightly on his way to the sink to wash out his Cheerios bowl. An action that does not go unnoticed by Rosalie, judging by the wide eyed-knowing look she gives me. "Let him have some fun." He smacks my ass when he passes by me this time and my eyes fly to an oblivious Masen who's working his puppy-dog eyes on grandma Esme.

Edward and I haven't broached our impromptu hallway talk ever since being busted by Emmett smiling like idiots and hugging yesterday evening after I agreed to try a new relationship with Edward. We've been more touchy- feely for sure, but there hasn't been any lip-locking, much to my chagrin.

I got to think a lot about _us_ and our relationship before I felt asleep last night. Masen decided he wanted to sleep with Edward for the night leaving me a few hours to just lay in silence and _think_. It was good for me, and only served to solidify what I had told Edward. I think I _love_ him, and I know we're worth trying again. I want to try again.

_Love._ Do I love him?

Shit, that freaks me out. I've spent so long repressing feelings; telling myself that our ship had sailed long ago. But love… I think I still love him.

Did I ever actually stop?

No matter how hard I tried, I still couldn't stop my mind to traveling to the '_what ifs_.' What if we don't work out? Will we be able to revert back to this friendly state, for Masen's sake? Will I be able to handle losing the man I love a second time?

That was the point in my thoughts where love-struck Bella chimed in and argued that I won't lose him. We're older now. More mature and stable in our lives.

We'll work out. We _have_ to.

"Momma? Hellooo?" A hand on my knee makes me jump, and I realize I've been completely ignoring my pleading son. "Grandpa says we have to leave soon." He pouts, his chubby lower lip jutting out. "Can I go too?"

Why Carlisle is convinced that fishing in forty degree weather is a good idea I will _never_ understand. Perhaps it's why he gets along so well with Charlie.

"Alright," I relent, ignoring his full-hearted fist pumps and squealing, "But I want you to keep your jacket on at all times! We don't need you getting sick for school on Monday." I doubt he hears me yelling after him as he runs up to get his coat and boots. "Carlisle, please make sure he stays warm and dry, okay? Don't let him fall in the water…" I trail off, giving him a stern look

"Yes ma'am." He smiles sweetly, as if it's never happened before and pats my arm paternally. "Don't worry Bella. He'll be fine. I'll keep him _and_ your man in line this afternoon." He winks at me.

Its little things like _that_ winking that makes me wonder just how much of Edward and I's conversation that the rest of the family hear last night. No one has come right out and said anything, but I see the satisfied smile Esme shoots us when she thinks no one's paying attention to her.

"This is perfect!" Rosalie claps loudly, "Now you have no excuse not to come with Esme and me to the nail salon."

"Nail salon? Just paint your damn nails yourself." I grumble, not understanding people's – ehem, Rosalie's- obsession with having perfectly manicured nails. They just get messed up within an hour anyway.

"Bella," she deadpans, "I can't even see my fucking toes, let alone _paint_ them. Pregnant, remember?" I stick my tongue out and return my attention to my Lucky Charms.

I've hardly finished two bites when my monster child comes racing down the stairs whooping like a mad man into my lap. "Grandpa says I get to use his special fishing stick! Isn't that sooo exciting?"

Pushing my breakfast aside I ruffle his hair and return his enthusiasm while he drones on about trout and fishing lines and speedboats. I doubt Carlisle's boat would be defined as a 'speedboat' but I don't have the heart to tell Mase that.

I can tell the exact moment when Edward re-enters the kitchen. It's like my eyes are drawn to him by some magnetic force. He's dressed simply in jeans and a long sleeved thermal with a jacket thrown over his arm, but damn if he doesn't look like he walked off the cover of a GQ ad.

"Dadduh, mommy said I can come too! Isn't that so cool?" He jumps up and down on my lap, hitting my bladder in just the right spot every time. Damn I have to pee.

"Mase, get up buddy, mommy has to use the bathroom." He jumps off, hitting my bladder once more for good measure and races off somewhere.

I can feel _him_ following me down the hall, but I don't give in to temptation and wait to turn around until I'm right outside the bathroom. "You know, following unsuspecting women to the bathroom is usually behavior that is frowned upon." I tease, spinning directly into Edward chest.

He just chuckles and pulls me into his arms, resting his head atop mine. "It's the only way to get you alone. How are you? After… last night, I mean." His voice is cautious.

"I had the time to think about a lot of things." I pull back just enough to look him in the eyes, but not far enough to where he has to release me from his comfortable embrace. "I don't think there's any way to know for sure that what we're doing is right. Being together… it could be best thing for us, or the worst possible decision we could make."

"Well I think-" As much as I want to know what he thinks, I interrupt him.

"That being said, I decided that I don't care. My feelings… haven't changed from last night. I want this. I want _us_." I rub my hands up his back soothingly.

His responding smile melts my heart, and I just _know_ we'll be okay. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I blush.

"I want _us_ too. More than anything."

It's at that moment my bladder makes a reappearance and before I know it, I'm bouncing up and down with clenched legs. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I grin and bear and do my little dance and revel in the feeling of Edward's arms around me.

"Daaaaddy!" Masen yells, "Daddy, we're leaving! Hurry up or we hafta leave you here."

Edward chuckles against my cheek, "Nice to know I'm dispensable."

"He's so excited." I laugh, "Have fun with _that_ little ball of energy in a fifteen foot boat." He just puffs out a breath of air and shakes his head in amusement. "Have fun today, yeah? Be careful."

"We will. On both accounts." His eyes fall to my parted lips, and for the first time in two years I wonder if he's going to kiss me. I wonder if it will feel the same. Passionate and deep and loving. My eyes close in waiting and my head tilts to the side slowly.

A warm pressure to my left cheek makes my eyes fly open. His lips trace the side of my face gently as he kisses the skin over my cheekbone. His eyes are mischievous when they meet mine again and I blush.

With one last squeeze and a whisper of 'see you soon.' He wanders off to find Emmett, Mase, and Carlisle, probably already in the truck waiting for him. I slump against the wall heavily breathing through my mouth in attempt to slow my rapidly beating heart.

Am I surprised he didn't kiss me? Yes. Very surprised. Am I disappointed?

Extremely.

"Momma?" Masen's soft voice accompanies a tug to my sleeve. "Momma, are you okay? You look red." Of course I look red; my blush hasn't stopped heating my face since Edward's lips touched my skin.

"I'm doing just fine, baby." I answer, still in a daze. "Did you forget something?" I do a mental checklist and see he has his snow coat and a pair of rubber boots with his brand new Captain America mittens covering his little hands.

"Yes." He smiles and wraps his arms around my waist. "A hug." I'm immediately suspicious, and wonder what reason he could possibly have for voluntarily showing affection when he could be on his way to the lake to fish with the boys. But then I say 'what the hell' and crouch down to hug him back, deciding I better enjoy this while I can before he's a teenager and is embarrassed to be seen with me. "Love ya momma."

Oh god, here comes the water works. "I love you too, baby." I sniff, "Have fun today, okay?"

"Okay!" He grins brightly, taking off down the hall chattering to himself excitedly about how he's going to catch a huge fish for us to have for dinner.

"He really is something." Esme's voice right near my ear is unexpected, and I nearly fall on my ass trying to spin around and face her. I wonder, from the mischievous smile on her face, just how long she's been lurking in the shadows, and just how much she saw. Edward and I decided we would try _us_ again, but we haven't had the chance to talk about anything else related to _us_. Do we want our family to know? What if Esme's figured it out; should I confirm that we're sort of together again?

"He's my boy." I agree, crossing my arms and giving her a small grin. "Wouldn't change him for the world."

"Now that all the boys are gone, you have no excuse not to join me and Rosalie for Mani-Pedis this afternoon." She reminds me politely, squeezing my shoulder in a move that screams 'gotcha.'

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	13. Chapter 13

**Wow, uhm, long time no see…**

**Let me start off with an apology. I do know that this update is like, a million years late and I am so sorry for that. School this year is kicking my ass. It seems as though every professor has a personal vendetta against me and are plotting behind my back to make sure I have absolutely no free time.**

**Anyway, no more excuses! I have an update for you guys, finally. Hopefully no one's too upset with me! And to my guest reviewer who's tried to kick my butt into gear a few times since the last update, I hope you enjoy this!(:**

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"So." Rosalie starts conspiratorially with a meaningful glance at Esme, who suddenly doesn't seem so interested in her copy of Cosmo. Why Esme reads Cosmo, I don't want to know. "You and Edward seemed pretty cozy cleaning up mud last night."

I tense and shift my weight, causing the stout woman brushing blue on my toenails to squeeze my foot tighter and mutter a snide 'hold still, please.'

"Yes, I suppose we did." I answer noncommittally, hoping that will be the end of it. Rose, Esme and I made it all morning without talking about Edward, and I'd like that particular trend to continue. I kept quiet while they complained about their husbands, and didn't throw in my two cents when they discussed my lack-luster love life. "What can I say, mud brings people together." I flip my magazine page a bit too roughly, and Rose senses my weakness.

"How _are_ you and Edward, hm?" I look up and find her smirking at me knowingly. _Shit. She knows_. How the hell can she possibly know? _I_ didn't even know until last night. "How's the whole, _we're just friends_ thing workin' out for you?" she adds air quotes and an eye-roll for emphasis.

"It's working out just fine, thank you for asking." I use my best mom-voice and warn her with my eyes to drop it. Of course, Rose being Rose, she doesn't.

"That's interesting, because what I heard last night would not be placed in the 'just friends' category."

"What? What did you hear?" Esme drops all pretenses of reading a magazine and practically sprints over to the chair in between Rose and I. "I knew something was different with you. I may be getting older, but I'm not blind."

"She didn't hear anything because there was nothing _to_ hear." I force out, panicking internally. It's not that I don't want to tell them what's going on. Rose is my best friend; more like a sister than a friend, and Esme has been a second mother since the day Edward brought me over to introduce us. I _do_ want them to know and I _do_ want their opinions. But the thing is; I don't know _what_ to tell them. If I tell them the truth- that we're trying to work things out- they'll be peppering me with questions for the rest of the day that I won't know how to answer.

Esme doesn't look convinced but decides not to press, probably remembering the last time I visited them and she pushed too hard. "Well, I think that what Edward and Bella do on their own time is their business and their business only."

"Bullshit." Rose demands, smacking her free hand on the manicurist's table. "I'm pregnant, and I want to know what's going on."

I snort. "What does being pregnant have to do with Edward and I's relati… er- friendship?"

She glares at me. If looks could kill, I wouldn't be breathing. "I haven't had sex in three months, Bella. Three months!" the woman painting her nails looks terrified. Needless to say, I don't think we'll be invited back to _Happy Nails_ anytime soon. "Do you know what it's like to be on a three month dry spell? Who am I kidding, of course you do."

The fuck? "Hey, just because-"

"I need something, B, give me something! I'm living vicariously through you right now, and I need some kind of juicy gossip. Please, I'm begging you."

"Fine." I lock my jaw and glare at her, "We admitted to still having… lingering feelings."

She waits a few moments for me to continue, and exhales loudly when I don't. "Feelings? I just admitted to being loveless for months, and all you admit to is _feelings_?"

"_Lingering_ feelings." Esme reminds her, piping up from her returned place by the counter. "Are you… are you two together?" she asks hesitantly.

"We're… going to _try_." I hardly hear the tail end of my admission due to the two squealing teenagers that have sprouted from my cool and collected ex mother-in-law and my eight month pregnant ex sister-in-law.

"Oh," Esme fans herself and blinks back tears, "You have no idea how happy I am! I always knew you two were meant to be. I knew it back when you were in high school, and I know it now!"

"Congrats girl." Rose adds, smiling and winking at me. "About time you two figured it out."

"I just- I just _need_ him. I can admit that now." I tell Rose honestly, who's been informing me of my feelings for Edward ever since we divorced.

"I've been trying to get that through your thick skull for what seems like ages." She teases, reaching across the chair between us to hold my hand. "I really am happy for you two."

I squeeze her hand and grin, finally relaxing into my chair. I guess not telling her was eating away at me more than I realized. "You guys can't tell anyone."

"What about-"

"Especially not Emmett." I shoot down Rose's argument before she can finish. "If you tell him, the while world will know by morning."

Esme nods in agreement. "I love my son to death, but he was born with quite a big mouth." She smiles and faces me, "What happened now? Have you told Masen?"

I start shaking my head, "Honestly at this point I wouldn't even know what to tell him. Edward and I… well we planned to talk after this weekend- about us- once we were home and alone, but that just kind of went out the window last night. He and I still need to talk things out and then we'll tell Mase. And then hopefully…" I trail off. _Hopefully everything will work out_.

As much as I feel this is right, I can't help having my doubts. We didn't work out two years ago, why would we be able to make a grown-up relationship work now?

"Stop it. Stop it right now." Esme tells me firmly, patting my knee. "I can see those wheels turning in your pretty little head. You're second guessing yourself, aren't you?"

"I wasn't-"

"Yes you were, dear. Mothers always know; I'm sure you've figured that out by now."

"What's up, B? You do want this to work, don't you?" Rose asks, blowing on the fresh polish on her nails.

"Of course I do! I just… need to talk to Edward." As soon as humanly possible.

There's a short pause and I take the chance to steer the subject away from Edward and I. "So Esme, Edward tells me your women's shelter is doing well." Her eyes light up and she proceeds to tell us all about one of her anonymous donors who gave the shelter enough money to buy brand new, much needed, furniture for the women. We talk about the charity, among other things, for the next half-hour or so until our mani-pedi's are done, then we hobble together on our heels to Esme's car, giggling, and spend the hour drive back to the house talking about anything and everything except Edward and I, much to my pleasure.

By the time we pull into The Cullen's large expanse of a driveway, the boys have already gotten home and are in the front yard tossing the football around. I can't stop the smile from spreading across my face when I spot Masen grabbing the football from a distracted Emmett's hands and throwing it at Edward, who's too busy watching our car pull up to see it. It hits him square between the legs, and his face scrunches up as he falls to his knees in the grass.

Rose snorts out a laugh and Esme shakes her head in amusement. "Boys."

Masen, not knowing what he did or not caring- I'm not sure which- ignores Edward and comes running to the side of the car to open my door. "Hi Momma! Did you have fun with Grammy and Aunt Rosie? I had fun in the speedboat- well, it's kind of a speedboat, but without the speed part, 'cuz it doesn't go very fast- and I caught a fish and it's really big! Like this-" he holds his hands as far apart from each other as he can stretch them, hopping up and down in excitement, "-and Daddy says we can put it on the grill-thingy and have it for dinner! Isn't that _so_ cool?"

Wow. My baby, the speed talker.

I can't confess to having more than half of what he said; something about fish and a not-so-speed boat- so I just nod my head and give him a hug, agreeing that it is, in fact, _so_ cool.

Masen smiles brilliantly and moves on t relay his 'so cool' story to his grandma Esme and Rose, giving me a moment to grab my purse and make my way over to the lawn where Edward is still kneeling on the grass rubbing his thighs.

Emmett's busting up laughing on the porch and Carlisle has gone to help Esme with some groceries we picked up on the way back.

"Hey Bean." Edward tries to smile up at me.

I smile and, upon seeing how much pain he's in, run a hand through his hair in what I hope is a soothing gesture. "Hi. The boys took quite a hit there."

He groans, nodding slowly. "I think we've got a future quarterback on our hands, Bean. He can _throw_ a football."

"You gonna be alright Doctor?" I squat down and can't stop myself from kissing his cheek. It's slightly pink and cold from the chill air, but it's soft and _Edward_ nonetheless.

He hums, "I missed you today." Is it just me or did his cheeks turn a shade pinker?

"I'm easy to miss." I tease, helping him to his feet. "I- uh, well, I really missed you too." Now I'm blushing. Awkward much, Bella?

"What do you say we put Mase to bed early tonight and have some time… just us?"

"I think that's the best idea I've heard all day." I laugh. He grabs my hand and we stroll together toward the house. "Think we can get him in bed by nine?"

"If he lasts that long." We watch as Mase bounces up and down the porch stairs singing about how today was the 'best day ever.' "I have a feeling he's going to crash soon."

"Come on baby," I let go of Edward's hand reluctantly to grab Masen's quickly before he slips down the steps. "Be careful."

"Swing me!" He giggles, not caring that he almost fell four feet onto his face. "Swing me!" he grabs hold of one of Edward's hands and grips mine tighter, lifting his feet off the ground. "Pleeeeeze!"

Edward catches my eyes and winks. Together we raise our arms, and Masen squeals as he swings up into the air. "Higher! Higher!" he squeals. I break out laughing and we swing him higher. We set him down gently once we get in the house and Masen falls on the floor, still giggling. "More!"

"More?" Edward asks, feigning shock as I shut the heavy mahogany door. "More? Come here!" Edward grabs Mase and throws him up into the air and catching him in his arms.

I'm afraid Masen's going to pass out with how much he's chortling and screaming to go 'higher,' so I gently suggest that they- namely Edward- stop acting like barbarians and go take showers.

"But mama-"

"Masen, honey, I love you but you smell like a sardine can. Go wash up and then maybe if you ask nicely, grandma Esme will let you cook your fish for dinner." He grumbles in disappointment, but its short lived. He skips up the stairs in the foyer telling us that his fish is going to make the best dinner ever.

Edward and I watch until he's out of sight. "You're going to drop him one of these days." I turn to face him and reach out for his hand. "He's getting older and, well let's face, you aren't getting any younger."

"Oho is that so?" He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me roughly into his chest. His hard. Toned. Chest. "Are you saying I'm an old man?" His voice is serious, but his face is anything but.

I forgot how much I loved his smile. The smile that's just for me. _My_ smile.

"Well you know…" He doesn't let me finish. He grabs me around my thighs and swings me over his shoulder. "Edward!"

"Twenty six is not _old_, love." I giggle when he sets me down on my feet. "Say it, Bean." His hands go to the curve between my waist and rib-cage. "You got to say it."

"You wouldn't dare." I challenge, narrowing my eyes.

His fingers dig into my sides, "Last chance." He smiles when I purse my lips defiantly and wiggles his fingers around, tickling the hell out of me.

"Fuck!" I yell, trying to get away from him, "Edward!" I'm squealing and laughing and squirming trying to stop the torture, but at the same time, I love the way he's acting. Happy and carefree- I've missed it.

"Say it, Bella!" He chuckles, still tickling my sides.

"Fine! Fine! You're not old. You're a very spry young whippersnapper." I have tears in my eyes by the time he stops and my breathing is ragged and uneven.

"Whippersnapper, huh?" He smiles against my hair. I nod my head, sighing into his chest.

"Yeah. A spry one at that."

"Bean-"

"Momma! Dadduh!" We hear Masen call from a room upstairs; most likely the guest bathroom. "I want a bath today!" We've been trying to wean him off baths in favor of showers, but my boys' a stubborn one. I try to be stern with him since he is getting older, but on the inside I'm just basking in the fact that _he_ doesn't think he's too old yet, and still needs my help with something. So who am I to say 'no'?

"Tonight?" He asks hopefully, releasing me from his embrace.

"Tonight." I promise. "Now let's go bathe our kid. He smells." I sniff the air, "And so do you, babe; you're next."

He laughs, "Are you going to bathe me too?" _Oh how I wish_.

Edward and I had been so caught up in our little moment, that we didn't notice the audience watching quietly from the kitchen with satisfied smiles on their faces.

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